User talk:Hieraths1/sandbox

Sarah,

After reading through your article I believe you did a good job of editing the article of Addictive Personality. However, there were a couple of things that I would like to point out. Your edits to the introduction paragraph is a little vague. Even though it is technically a good definition of Addictive Personality, it could make the audience feel as if you are using the phrase you are trying to define as apart of the actual definition. Secondly, even though abbreviations are helpful to individuals comfortable with the topic, the use of APD to shorten Addictive Personality disorder could potentially throw the reader astray. This being said, I believe that someone researching addictive personality is kept in mind throughout the entirety of the article and the article presents no biases. The links used were all thorough and resourceful to the researcher and the article remains neutral throughout. I also saw all outside sources properly cited and there was good overlay of the topics and what was going to be discussed in each sub section.

Having said this, there are only a couple of things I would like to bring to your attention. First is grammar. The grammar throughout the article can be improved by eliminated run-ons and properly placing commas and other forms of punctuation. There also could be better sentence transition, especially in the introduction paragraph. The second thing I would like to bring to your attention is I noticed that you solely replaced certain phrases or corrected grammar. Maybe you could add new information that is of interest to you on the subject of additive personalities such as what environmental factor contribute to the formation and sustainment of addictive behavior. Also make it clear to the audience that this is a Univeristy Students assignment and additions to the article are for a scholarly project.

Beside these couple of things I think you did a great job on the article. Keep up the good work!

Peter Lees