User talk:History2112/sandbox/secondedit

Instructor Comments on Peer Review/Draft 2
Hannahhelm thank you for this wonderful review. It is comprehensive and thoughtful, and provides your peer with great suggestions going forward. Don't forget to sign any talk page comments with four tildes (~) Excellent work! Grade: 15/15

History2112 I really like the improvements you made to your article this round, especially the historical analysis section. Your article becomes much stronger with this additional information. Also, good work responding to your peer reviewer in a timely manner with regard to your plan for the remainder of the semester. I see that you've also added more content on the artists and their representations of the myth, which is great - this page is going to be significantly improved when you are done with it! Your reviewer's comments are very helpful, and touch on most of the areas that I was going to address as well, specifically with regard to organization and subsections. It's hard for the peer reviewer (and me!) to see how these sections will fit in with the existing content on the page, but I assume that the second paragraph (beginning with 'According to the Roman historian Livy...') will be under the 'Sources' section, and not part of the lead, right? Same goes for all of the individual artists, will they be additional subheadings under the larger heading 'Artistic Representations' on the main page? I asked you this question in my comments on the first review, so please let me know. There are a few errors in red in some of your citations, so be sure to take a look at that too. Lastly, make sure you have sources for your primary references (Dionysius Halicarnassus and Ovid) in addition to Livy. I can help you find these, just let me know if you need help! Lastly, as you are moving your work over to the main page, make sure you address the banner on the existing page (in-line citations; basically cite information where it is lacking!) so that you can remove it when you're done. Overall, excellent work, keep it up! Grade: 14/15 Gardneca (talk) 14:24, 23 March 2020 (UTC)

Peer Review 2
Hi History 2112,

This is a really good draft! You make a lot of significant edits to this article. I'm going to give you feedback for each section and then add any additional comments I have.

1.) Lead: Since this article is shorter, the lead does not have as big a role as it does in other articles. However, the information you added, including the addition of the other names of the Rape of the Sabine Women was a really nice addition.  I think by adding the different names, this contributes to the article being unbiased.  By stating the multiple titles, you account for many more accounts of the Rape than just those which indicate the title of the Rape of the Sabine Women.  I am unsure if there are any pictures or images that could be used, but perhaps this would add to the article since the Lead is not as distinct as in some wikipedia articles.  Would it also be beneficial to create a title for the second paragraph?  It just makes the lead seem long, but the information added is awesome.  The wording, "and if without the ability to maintain" seems a little awkward, maybe and if the city was unable to maintain its population... I love the quote of Romulous' signal, that really paints a picture for the reader.

2.) Historical Analysis: This section really adds to the unbiased nature of the article. Including all of the different voices and perspectives on the situation indicates to the reader that the author is ensuring all views are being included.  The quotes in this section are great additions to the information.  It is also great that you illustrate which accounts agree with the others.  Just a suggestion, but maybe you could create a heading titled "The Perspectives of the Rape of the Sabine Women" and then have the historical section, along with the following three as sub headings?

3.) Nicolas Poussin/ Peter Paul Rubens/ Jacques-Louis David: These sections are really interesting. Would it add importance to the sections to explain the importance of art?  Maybe even an explanation of what certain colours mean? If you did not want to create a heading for the different perspectives, you could add a heading or paintings and then make these subheadings.  If you wanted to and could find them, adding the paintings themselves into the article may be cool for the reader.

Overall, this was a really great article that I enjoyed reading and learned from. Your citations are all great, with a great mix of sources. I loved the addition of the paintings, this is a very cool and different perspective. If you were able to find specific importance of the paintings or art in general as it relates to Ancient Rome, that might even increase the uniqueness of that edition.

I hope this is helpful, I am excited to read the final thing!

Final Draft
Thank you for the suggestions! As for my final draft I plan to complete the historical analysis section as well as hopefully update (granted there are appropriate sources) the recently added artistic representations to the article as they are lacking content. I will also be working at cleaning up any grammatical or spelling errors. I will also be adding the appropriate headings and sub-headings once the article is being formatted on the actual page. — Preceding unsigned comment added by History2112 (talk • contribs) 23:54, 17 March 2020 (UTC)