User talk:Hmb97/sandbox

You have a lot of work to do before Monday's peer review draft, which is supposed to look a bit more like a "real" page than this. I understand that you've spent a lot of time researching, but now it's time to pull it together in a more compact way. Look for ways to elaborate on these facts and craft them into paragraphs. What are some of the organizing threads you can use to tie some of these disparate things together? What can be said about non-profits in general in Camden might be a place to start. Colbuendia71 (talk) 19:38, 12 November 2016 (UTC)

PEER REVIEW #2 From HAPPINESS47 This new sandbox you have is more organized and has a lot more information than the last. You intro has much more as well. I like that it's clear what you are going to talk about. The intro says what are some of the causes that lead to some of the help that now these non-profits are offering. For the listing of your non-profits it still needs a little more. It needs some history, insight, information on it. I know it's been difficult to find some history on these non-profits but you could also mention a couple events they have done in the past. Maybe something that has gotten attention from social medias, newspapers, companies. Rather than focusing on what happened to the non-profit in the last couple decades, it would be better to mention what events, or who they have helped, or who are they involved with could you give you alittel more to work with. It could be something a yew years ago rather than something 50 or 30 years ago that might be a little more difficult to fine. In addition, you could put a sub-heading so it identifies that list of non-profits because I thought I was reading another paragraph of the intro. It would distinguish it from the intro. Happiness47 (talk) 18:13, 7 December 2016 (UTC)happiness47Happiness47 (talk) 18:13, 7 December 2016 (UTC)

There's an initial, major issue we need to confront which is that some sentences in this are dangerously close to plagiarism. For example, "CCOP congregation leaders also had to listen to the concerns of those in their networking contacts, the community, and the congregations." This is a nearly direct quote from the source with some slight rewording. This still qualifies as plagiarism or plagiarism-adjacent: remember that the goal is to summarize the source in your own words, not add a few of your words to theirs. Trying to move this onto mainspace in this form would be a mistake. Other than that, I think you have a lot of great info here in your sandbox. Look at ways to reorganize it and better give a sense of connectivity to your ideas. Right now, it feels a little list-like and not necessarily like a paragraph in some places. Consider using things like bolding or other visual cues to set off your sections for each non-profit. Colbuendia71 (talk) 20:11, 13 December 2016 (UTC)

Your additions to the sandbox id great. You and I still need to do some reviewing and editing. Also I know we talked about adding media I'm going to take a few pictures today ad ask Travis how to add them before Monday so that we can add it to main space. I think you should go back over each sentence and make sure there isn't any plagarism. Keep adding to the sandbox and I will do the same.Rutgersgirl81 (talk) 21:51, 14 December 2016 (UTC)

Peer Review from (happiness47)
I believe her top section for Philanthropy and yours would fit perfectly. She has a little more on the top section for Philanthropy but  still needs additional information. After you find some more information over each organization I think your top section would have more to tell and mention. Remember that your list of facts and information need to be a summary of each organization. Most of the information I read in your list is what each organization does currently today but not what they did 5 years ago or 10 years ago and how they developed through the years. In addition, make sure you cite your information and to highlight places and people that could already have a page on Wikipedia so it could direct readers to the topics, people, places you mention in your sandbox. I found some good information on the Cathedral Kitchen going back to 1976 and there is some great media that you could input into your sandbox, I will give it to you in class. Media would make your sandbox look appealing even if there isn't an over abundance of history on it. Also, I think it would be helpful to readers if you put a link for each organization that could lead them to their website. Each organization should have a paragraph including where they are located, a website linked to them, and their mission. After that you could input the history of each. If you have an organization that as one that has more information over the other I think you should put the ones with a lot of information in the beginning and the ones with the least at the end. Some things that I find interesting would be to mention quotes from people involved in the organizations, even events that may have been involved with them, or success stories. I will send you some links to some information and media I have found. I hope this was helpful.Happiness47 (talk) 01:08, 15 November 2016 (UTC)hmb97Happiness47 (talk) 01:08, 15 November 2016 (UTC) I know that we have been communication a lot and a few of our sources are similar, however going back to the initial conversation we had in class on Monday I think your sandbox has valuable content but needs to be written in a Wikipedia format. I know you stated that initially your sandbox contained notes which is a great starting point. Since I've already began the introduction, maybe you could start researching and adding the mission statements to the organizations I've already listed. I know we can collectively pull our work together to create a cohesive body of work.Rutgersgirl81 (talk) 01:36, 16 November 2016 (UTC)

I think you have a good start with the overview of Camden non-profits and your information about the Neighborhood Center. You should continue fleshing out these sections. The overview of non-profits in the city could be significantly expanded using the resources I provided in class recently. And the Neighborhood Center could use citations as well as expanded information about its history and activity. The scattered notes you have seem like a good start for a list of non-profits, but as it stands this isn't quite as "mainspace" ready as it could be. Colbuendia71 (talk) 19:47, 22 November 2016 (UTC)