User talk:Holland Park - Surrey/sandbox/Holland Park, Surrey City Centre

Comments from Cherry: Good start to the page! I would like to suggest that instead of putting in so many external links, you can include more internal links to other Wikipedia pages in addition to the ones that you already have for Surrey and Vancouver in the introduction. In addition, I noticed that when I click on the map, it says that it is copyright-free, but Wikimedia has a warning message saying that it has no copyright. So make sure to remove that warning message if indeed the Surrey website states that you can use the image freely. Finally, make sure to cite some sources for some of the information on the page, as it's unclear where you got the info from. Cherrytamato (talk) 04:47, 11 March 2017 (UTC)

Review from Christine: Great idea for a wikipedia page, as this park is very popular! First thing I noticed is how in the History section you have an unfinished sentence that you may have overlooked: "Future phases of Holland Park will see the construction of...". In the infobox I would suggest adding the hours of the park, so that visitors to this wikipedia page can plan to visit the park themselves. I would also suggest to add some more pictures to each section to enhance the reader's understanding of the park. Perhaps pictures under the Holland Gardens heading, as you describe many visual aspects of the park and it would definitely be beneficial to include some pictures of the pieces of public art that you mention. Excellent use of the lead section of the page! In the History section, make sure you include the year in the first sentence when you say "On May 24th, The City of Surrey officially opened its first urban park, Holland Park.". Also perhaps reword this sentence, as it's flow isn't quite smooth. Something like "The City of Surrey offically opened their first urban park with the establishment of Holland Park on May 24th, 2008." In this same section you mention the amount of people who attended the opening event after you switched topics to the fact that Holland Park is a destination park. I would suggest mentioning the number of people who visited the opening event when you are describing the opening event earlier in the section, or else the organization of ideas isn't fluid and logical. In the "Holland Gardens" section, you mention how the gardens were recreated. This statement confused me, as there was never any mention of a previous Holland Gardens that existed. It would be beneficial to expand on this concept of a previously existing Holland Gardens, or perhaps reword this statement to represent the accurate history of the gardens. Christineanne (talk) 19:38, 19 March 2017 (UTC)

Aashmalipatel (talk) 02:32, 21 March 2017 (UTC) Overall, this is a good page, about Holland Park in Surrey. A few suggestions I have, is maybe getting rid of some of the "enters" on the page. By simply having the information with out paragraph breaks will flow easier, and the information will be interpreted a lot more easier (just an organization tip). Is there something that must be added under the "Gallery" section? I would assume you were going to add pictures, and that would be nice to see a few more pictures of what the park actually looks like. I really like how you have incorporated a lot of the other Wikipedia pages, linking the park to other parts of BC. Maybe try rewording this sentence "The Park opening ceremony was attended by an estimated 1000 people of all ages". As I was reading it, I got slightly confused as to what you meant, and making this as simple as possible will really speak out to the audience. Overall, the page is really good, and visually attractive. I like the table you added on the right side of the website, with basic information about the park. That was very helpful.

Comments from Carol: Hey, fellow Surrey folks! I never knew that they didn't have a Wiki page for Holland Park! It's really great that you're expanding it! Some suggestions for improvements:

Overall organization and content: Amazing job with going into fine detail about all the events and amenities available at Holland Park! With the first introductory sentence, you already provided the information of Holland Park being located in Surrey, BC - I feel that it's optional to also include the fact that it's located "southeast of Vancouver, Canada". The information may come across as a little excessive. I think you might have accidentally forgot to finish off the third paragraph under the "History" heading! In addition, I find it a little odd that transportation and "refreshments" are placed together. Maybe you can just include the accessible washrooms into the same amenities list in the beginning of your page. Consider refining your "Public Transportation and refreshments" page regarding the grammar and content. There are some points/information that be condensed and put together regarding Skytrain access. Unfortunately there aren't any pre-existing Wikipedia pages for the Fusion Festival and Fvded in the Park, so I don't find too many issues with external linking when it comes to these events. However, you should add more links to support the information that you provide in your paragraphs, especially in your "History" and "The Holland gardens" section. You can also add more internal links for related pages such as urban parks, the Skytrain/Expo Line, etc. that you can find on Wikipedia.

Writing quality: Just take some time to look over small punctuation and grammatical errors. You kept a proper writing tone and formality throughout your page! Nice work! When listing the events hosted by Holland Park, you need an Oxford comma after "Movies Under the Stars" - don't forget to properly capitalize the event names. For example, "Movies Under the Stars" and "Live Nation concerts" (the "concerts" should be in lowercase). "Province's" might just be in lowercase, too. You might have accidentally overlooked deleting the extra space after the "amenities". Again, when listing the amenities available at the park, you need an Oxford comma after "a playground". Under the "History" header, "All day entertainment" should be written as "All-day entertainment" since it's used as an adjective in this context. An Oxford comma is needed after "Pat Chessell Band". In the third paragraph under this header, I would suggest deleting the word "upcoming" to "the upcoming July Fusion festival" sentence. Fusion Festival should be capitalized, and "Community based" should be "Community-based". For the last sentence, "The Park's" should be either "The park's" or "Holland Park's". For the second "The Holland gardens" header, you just need to capitalize the "gardens" in the title and in your paragraph. Oxford comma (your best friend, I know) should be there after "water features". Under the "Public Transportation and refreshments", and "Award" heading, consider checking some minor grammatical errors. "Access to the Park" should be rewritten as "access to the park" or "access to Holland Park". It would perhaps sound better if the "Award" header was "Awards and Recognitions".

Illustrations: I really like the visual that you chose for Holland Park! Under you "Gallery" header, you can try to find copyright-free pictures from the events previously hosted at Holland Park! Caroldng (talk) 14:19, 21 March 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Rosie
The peer-reviewers' suggestions are excellent. In particular: Rosieredfield (talk) 19:27, 24 March 2017 (UTC)
 * Cherry asks about the map. It would be best to have the map appear in the page, rather than as a link the reader has to click.
 * Christine's point about clarifying the history is important. I think this isn't a new park - what was it like before?
 * Can you replace the information about attendance at the opening ceremony with a more general park usage statistic?

Comments from Ruth

 * Include the geographical coordinators of the park in the info page
 * Having links to external pages within the main text is very risky as those pages might be removed or deleted. Remove all the external links and if possible replace with links to wikipedia pages or sections i.e. SkyTrain_(Vancouver)
 * References and external links at the bottom of the page need fixing
 * Could you take more photos to include?
 * - What year?
 * . This page will be accessible for years. No one will know when it was written, so upcoming makes no sense.
 * Again, Change to something like "As of April 2017, future phases...". Also this is not history so should not be in this section.
 * REFERENCES!!! Where are they in the text?

RuthVancouver (talk) 00:21, 25 March 2017 (UTC)