User talk:HolyCrocsEmperor/Archives/2024/February

The cloud in Jakarta
Yesterday night i was so unhappy. From the time i woke up yesterday until the meeting at night, everything seemed to run against me. Thanks to my calmness, or ignorance to bad feelings, at least i muddled through everything and only kinda collapse (on chair) after everthing was done. I told myself its ok to cry in dark after things are completed, but when everything was legit completed, i felt too tired and pointless to cry. So i just came back to desk and continued to work. Finished the video at 3:30 (what an auspicious timing for that particular video) and finally gained the first glimpse of happiness since so long ago. Yas

I realised my best journey is jakarta, the train to sumatra. Not for meeting jakata, but for continuing to pursue my own dreamed destination (sumatra) after bidding farewell to the person I really strived to meet, for just 2 hours. The journey is just for a dream i have myself, just something i want to do, then i tried to do it, nothing else. So i changed my pfp to the cloud on the train, that was my best journey. And i hope i can make it my lifestyle. HolyCrocsEmperor (talk) 04:42, 31 January 2024 (UTC)


 * Just found some books on indonesia. Sigh, again, after Indonesia etc. Not really for anyone to be honest, just i have so many extraordinarily unparalleled memory in that magical country HolyCrocsEmperor (talk) 15:33, 1 February 2024 (UTC)

Desk in China


Reading a book, listening to the night rain, dunno what is myself thinking about.

冬夜，读书，听雨.

HolyCrocsEmperor (talk) 16:49, 2 February 2024 (UTC)


 * Compare to the Singapore days. Life continues man. HolyCrocsEmperor(talk) 17:01, 2 February 2024 (UTC)

⭐关于梦想，奢香夫人，曾经的自己，全力以赴，往前走！
Different songs correspond to different memories and stories.

I was hesitating for the night, then listening to music

好久不见，不要说话，你应该很快乐，我会等

奢香夫人

哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈

然后我突然明白了，已经过去了好久好久，我真的变了好多，我没有了梦想，不再为任何事情全力以赴，也不敢去奔赴任何一座山海. 原来我停下了脚步，我向生活低下了头，我在醉生梦死中麻木了自己，一边唱着到明天. 是从什么时候，我不再谈论梦想，我开始把梦想这两个词当成荒诞的笑话. 原来在那之后我一直在逃，从来没有回去

我明白了. 我不想这样，我想成为一个人，有自己的梦想，有自己的世界，全力以赴向着梦想，即便遥不可及

真的有好久了啊

另一个问题，关于如何看待过去. 我觉得，往前走，就是最好的了

哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈，大学都没有开始，真的不算晚

所以接下来，重整旗鼓，去追寻梦想，不管是早已丢弃的，还是一路上新发现的，全力以赴，往前走！ HolyCrocsEmperor (talk) 16:19, 3 February 2024 (UTC)

The cb annual wage spreadsheet calculation
Bro spent the entire night for the 200 bucks project, the damned spreadsheet calculation of total yearly wage. The cheebye who compiled the monthly wage sheets is really faking cheebye retarded. Bro there is no format and every month has a different structure, with the names running around everywhere, sometimes at the front sometimes at the bottom. FAK U

but yassss, determined to finish it and yas, done. like 6 hours sticking to the chair without moving at all, a big pain to my eyes but, as i said, i am going to complete the task, and i did it with full effort. Thats the lifestyle~ I am proud of myself today hahahaha and yas jiayou HolyCrocsEmperor (talk) 18:01, 4 February 2024 (UTC)

Tiktok kuaishou and xiaohongshu
I don't really like TikTok or kuaishou or xiaohongshu. I prefer longer more contentful video rather than those short clickbait clips. But i also dont want to be left behind by the era....

It is hard to keep to your own direction in this chaotic age. Deleted kuaishou first, cos its the same as tiktok but a bit less popular, so no use at all HolyCrocsEmperor (talk) 17:15, 5 February 2024 (UTC)


 * Managed to delete xiaohongshu cos i can safari its web version which is the same as app experience. Also it can be downloaded from all regions and i can use the laptop or ipad web~ HolyCrocsEmperor (talk) 03:49, 6 February 2024 (UTC)

人没了啊
只有在梦里才能见到

其实不重要

人都没了 HolyCrocsEmperor (talk) 06:06, 7 February 2024 (UTC)

I am so sad
So sad. Just so sad. Sleep now, cry. A new day won't help, but nothing will. Life continues regardless HolyCrocsEmperor (talk) 17:11, 8 February 2024 (UTC)

home
Actually my home is anywhere with my laptop ipad and phone. Just like the small hotel room in chengdu i spent in on my 20th birthday. It is where my heart belongs to. HolyCrocsEmperor (talk) 02:25, 9 February 2024 (UTC)


 * I am now actually thinking of how did i spend the 2021 chinese new year in singapore... HolyCrocsEmperor (talk) 02:26, 9 February 2024 (UTC)

Chinese new year reunion dinner
The whole point of 年夜饭 is reunion, family people all gather around the table, hot steam, rowdy chats, the atmosphere bro HolyCrocsEmperor (talk) 14:40, 9 February 2024 (UTC)


 * I didnt send 新年快乐 to anyone. No one send me really. I was writing my own diary at 00:00. Its fine. While listening to 不要说话. Yas, 不要说话. Only now listening to 总有一天你会出现在我身边 i cry. So nice because these songs are only my own memories, which was unprecedented before this january. I am walking on my own bro which is lonely but 自由. Yas enjoy ur solo trip of life. New year mah. 祝自己新年快乐. 我自己照顾好自己就可以了. 自己好好的. HolyCrocsEmperor (talk) 16:25, 9 February 2024 (UTC)

Music
So sad that no even appetite for any music HolyCrocsEmperor (talk) 16:30, 10 February 2024 (UTC)

🧧Chinese New Year
Bigggg family reunion dinner, mahjong with nanchanghua and cigarettes, thats what cny means for chinese since millenniums ago. I got new dream on cny, hhahahahah. Realised how important such feeling is for me HolyCrocsEmperor (talk) 10:08, 11 February 2024 (UTC)

Reunion and family on cny
Some annoying familiy drama but yas i am going with grandma tomorrow to rural for cny relative visit. It is very disgusting to let seniors in family to be sad, especially on a faking CNY. BRO. It has been many many years or decades since our whole family can be this full, and seniors will have less and less oportunities in the future. I am going regardless of those faking retarded airhead. I am really angry for this so yas screw those runts. I am trying to avoid bad word on wikipedia but in this story there is no alternative HolyCrocsEmperor (talk) 14:18, 11 February 2024 (UTC)

a bit tired?
i dont really want to post my stories here now... HolyCrocsEmperor (talk) 16:33, 14 February 2024 (UTC)


 * The idea is that this is somewhere to put English thoughts? HolyCrocsEmperor (talk) 07:47, 15 February 2024 (UTC)

Comeback and 明史
OK so after a few days of inactivity, I finally realised the point of writing here from time to time. Basically it is somewhere outside my own diary to record my day. Diary on notion belongs exclusively to myself and i will never share with anyone else, but here is shareable. There are other platforms such as twitter and xiaohongshu blablabla but they can be secondary ones, i.e. i write here first then screenshot or copy paste there. Here is the mastercopy.

So i was searching about the history of Yi people, then came across the word 鬼主. It is the title of zhangxiu bro, i thought it just means he is the leader of 鬼神道阴神众 (or 鬼坊), only today i realised 鬼主 is legit such a thing in the southwest region but among the yi people society. So probably zhangxiu is also of yi origin... really interesting research hor. But yas the southwestern region is quite interesting.

Then i had a look of 明史, and found it interesting as well. I read the southeast asia nations record, and many record are so funny. Such as one about java island:

''爪哇在占城西南. 元世祖时,遣使臣孟琪往,黥其面. 世祖大举兵伐之,破其国而还. ''

And also:

''人有三種：華人流寓者，服食鮮華；他國賈人居久者，亦尚雅潔；其本國人最污穢，好啖蛇蟻蟲蚓，與犬同寢食，狀黝黑，猱頭赤腳. 崇信鬼 道. 殺人者避之三日即免罪. 父母死，舁至野，縱犬食之；不盡，則大戚，燔其餘. 妻妾多燔以殉. ''

明史 also got the section writing about all the rituals host by the court. Every year there are a lot of such 礼 for all sorts of purposes, and many of them are devoted too all sorts of deities in chinese culture (the connotation of chinese deity is very different from the rest of the world). But yas very interesting. In uni i hope to be able to study a bit more of history and archeology. I mean self-study is the main means but yas HolyCrocsEmperor (talk) 05:36, 22 February 2024 (UTC)

Night before the result
Not nervous, more like too bored to wait for it. Bestwish dawn, lol one year passed liao. I think i am gonna sleep til 6pm, then take a few more hours before opening seab portal.

Too cold here bro, also boring. Sent a text, cos i know i myself really hoped someone would text me 一路平安 before my flight took off cos near that time usually gonna turn off data. That time went back Singapore no reply for the text and i was quite sad. I mean now i dont really get sad about anything but, idk. Its more like my way of life HolyCrocsEmperor (talk) 17:05, 22 February 2024 (UTC)

Finally fixed the economy of singapore article
Finally being able to fix the Economy of Singapore article by converting the whole data table into a collapsible one. Inspired by the Mainling article HolyCrocsEmperor (talk) 04:08, 23 February 2024 (UTC)

RESULT RELEASE
I AM CRYING SIA. BRO 4 YEARS😭😭😭HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH. THOSE HARDEST DAYS FINALLLY OVER. FINALLY. THOSE DARKEST DAYS I DONT DARE TO REMEMBER. HAHHAAHHAHA.

I AM REALLY PROUD OF MYSELF!!!!

NEXT CAN GO ANYWHERE YOU WANT LIAO. JIAYOU HAHAHAHAHA HolyCrocsEmperor (talk) 07:15, 23 February 2024 (UTC)

Good result but no use
In the end with the result still cannot really enter a good course. I mean still trapped in the city state. My bad lor, got good final result still no use. Nothing much to say to be honest. It is still my life and it is still gonna continue. But bro pls ICL... I dont want to disappoint them... I was shocked and so sad when I saw its website saying got interview and need the test. Hahahahha.... No one knows nus lol. In the end my bad all... It is not anyone's fault, so it is my fault. I dont have any fault but it is my fault...... I do feel ok to be honest. Life continues. Today gonna finish the essays. It counts characters not words so not too bothering. Then hopefully all results come in the early March, good ones ofc. Then hopefully go travel from the end of March.

What do i want ah. Not the fishing gamae. Not really chengdu. Not really anyone. Dunno. Life continues HolyCrocsEmperor (talk) 13:39, 25 February 2024 (UTC)

About lonely
Finished the book on iphone, behind the beautiful forevers. Very nice book, its not even a fiction but a documentary, about India. It tells stories about slumdwellers there. It is about life, which no one really can change. Life continues.

Lonely is because there is no one capable of making you not feeling lonely.

The words i say last night is really insightful, that i feel lucky to live in my life now, which is the reality, which is all. Yas. But always good to try to see a larger world. And i am always feeling lucky that i haven't even started university HolyCrocsEmperor (talk) 17:05, 26 February 2024 (UTC)

End of application season
Finally finished nus essays and now my application season officially closed. Couldnt imagine it being like this... But yas, it is what it is. So now only need to patiently for the results... Finally can have some legit rest. Tomorrow is gonna rain so yas gonna go nowhere do nothing but rest and enjoy such a workless day~ HolyCrocsEmperor (talk) 16:02, 27 February 2024 (UTC)


 * There is no reason but late night makes me cry, especially when raining HolyCrocsEmperor (talk) 16:38, 28 February 2024 (UTC)
 * Lmao, so fast got offer from ntu sia. Copy paste from zhihu:
 * 果然，早申的时候我选的COP没那么高的engineering专业，结果什么消息都没有. 等A考结果出来发现分数还不错，连夜把专业全改成CS的double major，然后三四天内就来了offer，还是填的第一个志愿专业，虽然大概率不会去，但还是挺开心的
 * Tbh, now i am just waiting for ICL and NUS. I kinda miss Singapore, those days i muddled through alone and now they all became my best memory. But yas, life continues and keep moving on HolyCrocsEmperor (talk) 04:29, 29 February 2024 (UTC)