User talk:IAmMikeWhite/Luis Carlos Santiago

In the opening section, I don't think you need the part about "The following are general references..." Instead, you should actually use those references to detail which sites gave you which information in the opening paragraph. Put a reference after each sentence that the information came from. You fix this in the later sections, maybe you just need to go back and edit that out. In the "Death" section, you say that Santiago and his colleague were going to be hired. You can't know this for a fact, unless they were actually hired at a later time. The boss may say that they would have been hired, but there is no way to confirm this. You should probably remove it.

In the "Context" section, you say "Deaths include members of drug gang members." You have the word members twice, and probably want to revise it. Also, you use the sentence "The worst of the violence tends to be concentrated in Mexico’s northern border. In particular, Chihuahua has seen a number of attacks," twice. You might want to revise that. The first sentence of the second paragraph "Santiago’s death prompted a song reaction," I think you mean that his death prompted a strong reaction.

Under "Reactions", you attribute the quote to "the Director-General." Which Director-General are we talking about? If I follow the link, I can tell that it's the Director-General of UNESCO, but you need to make that clear in your article.

You got a lot of good, personal information on this subject. I like the amount of detailed information in the article, and other than the few things I mentioned above you edited fairly well. In general, though, I don't think there are enough citations in your article. You might want to consider adding some.

Jdrobertso (talk) 16:38, 5 October 2011 (UTC)

You have a lot of content here which is good. A few more references may be needed but other than that it looks great. Bushman0218 — Preceding unsigned comment added by Bushman0218 (talk • contribs) 05:37, 6 October 2011 (UTC)