User talk:IJB043/sandbox

Lindsee's Peer Review
Phototaxis in Zooplankton >I would mention in the first sentence that you're talking about the larva of that annelid, I'm a bio major and it struck me very strange that you were associating adult annelids with being planktonic > This chunk of text, I would substitute some different transitional phrases :"This way the information of all four eye cups can be compared and a low resolution image of four pixels can be created telling the larvae where the light is coming from. This way the larva does not need to scan its environment by rotating". I would say something more along the lines of "As a result the information from all four eye cups can be compared, giving a low resolution image of four pixels. This tells the larvae where the light is coming from so the larva does not need to scan its environment by rotating." >Definitely look into condensing those shorter sentences in the gravitaxis paragraph to vary your sentence structure a little bit and also watch out your use of colons

Phototaxis in Jellyfish > In the sentence "absence of light of", I think that of is supposed to not be there! I know that's really small but easy enough to miss >The last sentence is fairly vague, maybe elaborate more on what the chemical response is and you don't need a new paragraph for that one sentence

Phototaxis in Insects >The sentence "Positive phototactic behaviour in insects can be found primarily in insects capable of flight such as many species of flies, moths, and grasshoppers" is clumsy. I would switch the order around and watch the use of commas >The info on Drosophila is super interesting, great job!

Overall comments: >Watch the continual use of "this" as your transitional phrase, it gets repetitive and you can even collapse a lot of the shorter sentences starting with that word into longer sentences connected with a semi-colon. >This was very interesting and very well-written, good job! :)