User talk:Iateurpie

PLEASE NOTE THE KIND DONATION I WOULD LIKE YOU TO MAKE: (UNLESS UR PART OF WIKIPEDIA, IF SO, SUCK DONKEY COCK WHILST BEING FLOGGED WITH A SACK OF GRAVEL)

Please donate as many ass nuggets as possible to wikipedia. This is because the people who scan the website are knob jockeys and should be piled into sacks, and melted into butter. I have developed a scanner which allows me to locate each and every one of the scanners family and i will hunt them down and bear mace them in the eyes. I shall hang their flayed carcasses from my roof whilst destroying Wikipedia with spam and viruses.

Thank you for your co-operation.

!!!BUY NOW!!!

POTATOISM: the history
Welcome to the Potato ritual library:

Firstly i shall comment on the history of the Potatoes: Firstly you must understand that everything everyone has told you about potatoes is a lie and you should know that or you are either blind in the face or a tapato follower and should be stabbed by a very mean carrot. Moving on...

Potatoes have been around since the beginning of time, fighting the tapatoes (and anything else that they find) until the big bang occured. The best way we followers of Potatoism understand how the big bang happened is this: FIRST THERE WAS NOTHING, THEN IT EXPLODED. Now that new planets had sprouted, the potatoes could live on with their lives of violent tyranny in peace (even though they could before, but that's not the point) on earth. Potatoes are so violent that they used to refer everything as an enemy which is why they soon ran out of things to do (e.g. slaughter innocent races) until the humans evolved. Potatoes decided to spare the humans and use them as a resource. Humans could be used as currency, slave labour, or just to start an itty bit of mass genocide. Soon the potatoes became the benevolent leaders of the human race. Even the lowliest potato is a higher rank than the highest ranked worshipper. Things were looking good for the ruling potatoes.

Suddenly some other religous bastards turned up and pissed all over everything. Soon potatoism wasn't the main religion and politics ruled the day. Potatoes felt this was unfair so began POTATOISM. This was usually a horde of people who either devouted to helping potatoes (like they needed it) or didn't want to be smished by the potatoes. However because the potatoes are so violent, the worshippers could still be killed, there just was a less likely chance.

Soon the potatoes returned as a thriving religion and continued on fixing elections and starting wars. Soon the potatoes developed laws and "powers".

This concludes our fact file on the history of potatoes

November
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THE GOD OF POTATOISM
PABUDDHA This name is the one for the god of potatoes only and anything called it develops chronic tuberculosis and dies in minutes.

PABUDDHA is a powerful god and has unquestionable powers. He can gain power fron anything he does. Sleeping gains his power, excercising trebles his power and exhausting his power doubles it tenfold! If someone was to drain PABUDDHA'S power with a spell, It would cause a warp rift to open and destroy the caster, and boost PABUDDHA'S POWER.

PABUDDHA is amazing. He could feed the world five years over with his maaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhh! ability. But, he doesn't want to. He prefers to watch us wallow in our own shit and piss.

PABUDDHA sometimes helps people when they preach fro his help. Mostly he just sqaushes the preachers. PABUDDHA only answers one phonecall a day and no more. This is simply beacause PABUDDHA feels no need to help us for he doesn't care.

The reason the word tapato isn't in the dictionary is because PABUDDHA scribbled it out with his red crayon of doom. This crayon is only a millionth of PABUDDHA'S POWER but could destroy the universe thrice if used to write with.

PABUDDHA creates potatoes by sweating. He sweats off a hundred potatoes for every dead potato soul that binds with his skin.

There was a council of ELDER POTATOES but they aged and rotted in the fungal fume cupboard of retribution.

PABUDDHA is awesome and cannot be stopped!

'''PRAISE BE TO PABUDDHA! PRAISE BE TO PABUDDHA! PRAISE BE TO PABUDDHA!'''

Restarted the block
Since you are persisting in removing block notices when the block is still current, and you have been warned about doing this, I have restarted the 24 hour block notice, but this time, removed your ability to edit your own talk page as well. DDStretch   (talk)  13:12, 29 November 2008 (UTC)

EVOLUTION
Potatoes have the uncanny ability to evolve/grow anything (arms, legs, wings etc.). They do this in a matter of milliseconds. This may seem fast to us but is extremely slow for a potato. A potato examines a second as a very long time for it which is why a potato will be seen as very fast and impatient.

Some people will deny this evolution because they're dicks. They will never see a potato evolve because the potato refuses to add any excitement to those people's sad lonely lives and would rather see them be regurgitated....

PAUL
PAUL is a demi-god of PABUDDHA and is very powerful for he is as strong as a hundreth of PABUDDHA'S power. PABUDDHA wastes no power sweating PAUL but gains power from absorbing him back. There is only one PAUL because if any others were to be sweated then they would instantly melt into butter.

Paul has a story which helps to explain his volatility. Here it is:

''Three policeman gathered around a corpse that had been dismembered beyond recognition. One of them looked up and muttered "we need PAUL. The other policemen shook their heads frantically "don't do it" they pleaded. But it was too late. "PAUL, we need you......" said the policeman down the phone. Before the policeman had finished his sentence PAUL entered the room. "I'm here" PAUL said in a high pitched voice into the phone. PAUL let go of the phone which flew back to where it was plugged in, killing many as it did so. "What do you think we should do PAUL?" questioned one policeman. "Well i think we should" PAUL trailed off. In a flash he ripped off the limbs of the policemen and juggled them around him at a rapid speed. Then he tossed the limbs back at the bleeding bodies into neat piles before leaving the place. Then he went to an unsuspecting anger managemented person's house, walked through the wall like paper and unspeakable things happened from here".''

This truly explains the almighty power of PAUL. In fact, PAUL is so random even PABUDDHA cannot predict what he will do.

However, PAUL does have his uses. In fact he has defeated many a tapato invasion force (despite the fact they're a bit shit this is still considered a good achievement).

TAPATOES
Unfortunately the time has drawn near for me to inform of the *shudder* TAPATOES.

The tapatoes are an evil race that have been at war with the potatoes for longer than time itself. They claim the war started when the potatoes ate their children but the potatoes deny this so it must be a lie. The tapatoes have blue cheese like apperances and fight like clowns. The tapatoes are smaller in number and are weaker than the potatoes. They have no allies unlike the potatoes an yet still pose a threat to them (despite this threat being a miniscule as an ashmatic cow with no legs or face).

The tapatoes are led by TABUDDHA who is a weaker version of PABUDDHA. Everything drains and reduces TABUDDHA'S strength. The TAPATOES are also led by LUAP who is a weaker version of PAUL and when they fight PAUL shall win for LUAP cannot juggle.

The prophecy states that the potatoes will wipe out the tapatoes on mount grysferenguter: which is tapatoe for tapatoe salvation.

potatoes and their allies/slaves
This section explains the simple allies and slaves of the potatoes:

Firstly I shall explain the anatomy and every other piece of info about BEAR DOGS. Bear dogs are a cross breed (bred by the potatoes for war) between bears, dogs and a large pile of shit. A bear dog can move at up to speeds of -24 mph and has to sleep for nine days after moving. Despite these terrible movement capabilties, the bear dogs have an amazing excrementational ability. A bear dog can poo with more strength than 3000 elephants and at a speed faster than 64.5 tsunamis. Bear dogs use this ability mostly for war because of the poos deadliness. The poo leaves a smell that cannot be washed off or removed in any way. The poo is also corrosive enough to melt through solid steel and the poo has a mind of its own. Bear dogs can also use they're pooing for judgement. For example: A bear dog gave me a good poo for my offering whilst performing a nasty shit on my friend for his. Bear dogs can be used for hunting (well they're poo anyway). If a bear dog poo is left for three minutes, it will become another bear doog (a half bear dog, half poo).

This next ally of the potatoes is "SIX MONTHS IN PRISON". This evil being is simply a block of words with arms and legs. These limbs can elongate and stretch forever. Potatoes send in six months in prison to get people who have managed to evade their punishment or daily mauling (very unlikely) or the potatoes cannot be bothered to go after them themselves. Basically the most I can elaborate on this monstrosities modus operandi is that its long arms grab its foe and drag them screaming away into the night (even in the daytime) and nothing else has been recorded about what happened to these poor victims from here. This ally is feared almost as much as a potato.

Next I shall inform you of shoe gremlins. These are gremlins that are addicted to shoes (hence the name). They usually steal the shoes but others buy them with the millions of -insert your currency here- by selling shoe soup. Shoe soup is soup made from boling water and melted down shoes. The smaller the shoe, the more soup you can make. Shoe gremlins are every fast, so it is impossible to see or catch one. However, if all you're shoes are gone, and your feet are missing you know you've been visited by shoe gremlins.