User talk:Iorloff/sandbox

Amrprix (talk) 23:44, 20 October 2019 (UTC)Isabella Orloff Amrprix (talk) 23:44, 20 October 2019 (UTC)AMRPRIX (Alice Price) This article is begging for some restructure in the body. Once this is done, you might extend the scope of the lead to be more indicative of the importance of the artist. As I said, this needs restructuring with titles and subsections. We get too muddled a view because what was already there was just a large mass. When you add, make it easy for someone to use and to recognize the richness of this artist's contributions. I want to see some richer, more current sources to give a fuller view and better context for this artist. Consider these at Temple: Natter, Tobias G., Ronald S. Lauder, Renée Price, Elizabeth Clegg, and Steven Lindberg. The Self-Portrait: From Schiele to Beckmann. 2019.

Peters, Olaf, Ronald S. Lauder, Steven Lindberg, Renée Price, Stefanie Heckmann, Andreas Huyssen, Alfred Pfabigan, and Ernst Ploil. Before the fall: German and Austrian art of the 1930s. 2018. Nathan J. Timpano, The dialectics of vision: Oskar Kokoschka and the historiography of expressionistic sight. Journal of Art Historiography, 01 December 2011, Vol.5, pp.5-NJT/1 Starr Figura, German Expressionism: The Graphic Impulse, New York, The Museum of Modern Art, 2011 [There is a bio on MoMA's website (https://www.moma.org/s/ge/collection_ge/artist/artist_id-3197.html)--but the catalogue would be a richer source] Your sources need to be pushed to the next level and you really need to address the lack of structure in the article. What you have added is fine so far...

Thank you for this advice, I have begun to restructure the article content to break down the periods of the artist’s life. I will analyze these sources amongst others to continue to add information in the areas of his life that need more context as well as add in photos and information on his art. Iorloff (talk) 11:05, 28 October 2019 (UTC)

Article Peer Review (Ian Donnelly)
General info: Whose work are you reviewing? Iorloff

Link to draft you're reviewing: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Iorloff/sandbox

Lead: Good call on specifying what jobs Kokoschka took on and what he became known for. I think getting more even more detailed about why his work is significant (or where it fits in, as a kind of outsider of Expressionism), the fact that he became a prominent educator, and the locations where he worked, would all be welcome additions to the lead. Some of the more general overview information from the biography, especially the last paragraph, would make a nice and concise, but not too detailed introduction to this artist.

Content: All of the information you added is definitely illuminating, appropriate and nicely organized chronologically, however separating the biography into smaller sections would make it much easier to read. Section headings like “Early Life” and “Later Work” could work, or breaking it down into the period relating to his work in Austria, which seems significant to his story, or his being labeled “degenerate” and participating in the avant-garde.

Overall: The editing you’ve done seems very sound to me, with relevant references and a strong chronology. The writing seems neutral and unbiased as well. I’d just like to see more it broken up into smaller sections and for the lead to include some of the major points of those sections. Nice job so far.

Ianmdonnelly (talk) 22:48, 21 October 2019 (UTC)

Thank you! I have begun to restructure the article into sections with headings and subheadings. I will also add more information on his artwork and how society, his life, and the other art movements at the time impacted his work. Iorloff (talk) 11:05, 28 October 2019 (UTC)