User talk:Isad15/Nigerian Women's Trust Fund/Naomil07 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Isad15


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Isad15/Nigerian_Women%27s_Trust_Fund?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Nigerian Women's Trust Fund

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Lead:

With the lead, I was a little confused about how you're altering the article. I noticed that the original article only has 1 paragraph which you pasted at the top of your sandbox draft. Are you intending to replace that paragraph with the one you wrote under "Organization Purpose" or keep both? I think that it would be valuable to keep the information from the original paragraph because some of the statistics seem important. As for your leading paragraph, I was a little confused by what you're trying to say in the second sentence and I would consider trying to rephrase it slightly. After this sentence, I thought that paragraph was strong, but could use even more elaboration. I would also recommend defining the National Gender Policy and what it does and what the fund is acting in line with.

Content:

I thought that the content you included was strong. It was very relevant to the topic and organized nicely. I think that since the original article is basically unwritten, there's plenty of room for you to add even more content, but I think this was an excellent start!

Tone and Balance:

I also found your content to be nicely unbiased and factual. Your tone fit well with the Wikipedia style and you did a nice job of linking some of your terms to other Wiki pages.

Sources and References:

The link to the source you used was not functioning for me, so I wasn't able to check out the source. I would say generally that you had a great start with your use of sources, but I would include even more. You also include a lot of information that isn't cited which I would recommend citing as well so the reader can reference back to it.

Organization:

I liked the way you organized your piece into a few sections with useful sub-headers. I would continue to break it down like this as you add on, so that it is easily readable. When I was reading, I felt like there were a few moments where the word choice or the sentences didn't quite make sense, so I would make read through it again looking specifically for things like that. One example I noticed was when you say that gender inequality in the Nigerian gov. "demonstrates a decline..." I would maybe change the word demonstrates because it doesn't quite make sense there. The formatting for the second quote you use is also slightly off; I believe it should end in either a comma or an ellipse. Lastly, your last sentence is unfinished.

Images and Media:

I wonder if they have a logo maybe a photo of a Nigerian government session that you could include to add a bit more color to the page! Naomil07 (talk) 18:47, 12 April 2023 (UTC)