User talk:ItsAka/sandbox

Minor revisions necessary. “Booth's career was chock full of experiences” - Reword this with a less colloquial phrase. Overall, your additions to the article on Booth are well written and concise. You have put your secondary sources to good use and have kept within Wikipedias expectations for writing style. Consider revising specifically the sentence I have pointed out above to be less casual.

Batcow39 (talk) 16:45, 21 February 2018 (UTC)

Article Feedback / Peer Comments
Hello ItsAka I noticed that your lead section is 180 words. The assignment is to add at least 500 words to Wikipedia, so you may need to do a bit more research and add some more sections. Perhaps a section on Margaret’s filmography or career?

I think this piece would also benefit from an infobox where you could list her birth and death dates and occupation. Since you know her birth and death dates, you could also add what age she was when she passed away.

Your second sentence is missing a citation. Who referred to Margaret’s work as “unseen and unrecognized by the industry” and how do you know ""cutting" was considered to be technical work, not creative work” ?

Also your fourth sentence, ("Booth's career was chock full of experiences and expertise in the film industry.") states an argument and perspective on Margaret, as opposed to stating facts. The sentence is unnecessary. It makes the article sound promotional, as opposed to neutral.

The phrasing “inventive mind” is somewhat vague and sounds like it was terminology pulled straight from an article. I would rephrase this in your own words to make the meaning more clear in the context of this piece, rather than the one you pulled it from.

Your links work but it’s not enough to rely solely on the current Wikipedia article, one academic article, and IMDB. In your annotated bibliography, you needed at least three academic sources and five sources total. Where are the other two sources? You may need to do more research here.

-ThatWriterWithBangs (talk) 21:07, 21 February 2018 (UTC)

Peer review
Hello ItsAka Overall there is a strong foundation to build from. When talking about why women were hired in editing positions, maybe give an example of what an "Innovative mind" is.

When discussing her work with the various production studios, it would be beneficial to add dates associated with them.

The article could even go into a bit more detail about her specific work. LightSkin.Cis.Girl (talk) 04:29, 27 February 2018 (UTC)