User talk:JWallace96/sandbox

Peer Review
Lead section

I was unsure if your draft lead is intended to replace the existing lead paragraph or to be incorporated into it. If you are replacing the existing lead, I would recommend leaving in the last sentence ("After a journey lasting three months..."), as it provides a decent summary of the topic, but perhaps rewording it so it flows better (you are right; the Wolseley article contains a lot of run-on sentences).

Structure

Your draft is logical in its layout. I did not notice any structural or content issues.

Balanced coverage

I like how you are devoting equal attention to the Canadian and British forces, as well as others (in this case, the Iroquois) who participated in the expedition. This will create a more informative article.

Neutral content

You seem to have a clear understanding of how to write in an impartial and encyclopedic manner.

Reliable sources

Academic and cited properly. Overall, a great start to your article edit.

MTralla (talk) 18:54, 14 February 2018 (UTC)

Peer Review: Week 6
This article is an extremely good, detailed and well researched beginning to your wikipedia article. There are a few adjustments I would make, to ensure professionalism, a reliable voice, neutral content and balanced information. You have an exciting and active voice in your writing, which makes the article fun to read. However, there are a few places where the active voice sounds biased. For example, when you state: "The Wolseley Expedition was very much a united effort", the term 'very much' needs to be replaced by proof of how the Expedition was united. You have done a great job at outlining what you intend to write in the article. The amount of battles you have expressed interest in will provide great detail to the article. Further, I feel as though the involvement of maps with add a lot of credibility and interest to your article as well. The references have been great thus far, however, I feel as though you are depending a lot on one source. JSTOR, and google scholar are great areas to look for more sources. Once again, fantastic start to this article. I look forward to seeing the finish product soon.

Alanaesimons (talk) 03:47, 16 February 2018 (UTC)Alana E Simons