User talk:Jackpate

Sir Rhys Mark Bird( Born Rhys Anderson) 17th June 1999. Rhys Bird was born in Rothley, a rural village in Leicestershire. He was Born and Raised in Rothley by his mother, Cerian. He lived with his mother and 2 sisters, Nicola and Chloe for 16 years. He also lived walking distance away from his grandparents house, whom he was very close to. His grandfather Keith, Who is a bit of a lad, was his main influence towards his love for football. Although Keith is a die hard Hull city fan, Rhys supports Manchester United. This is due to Keith being a slag and buying him a Manchester shirt when aged just 4 years, when in reality we all know he should've bought him a mighty Barnet shirt (Big up John Job Ayo Akinde). Although rhys is a Manchester United fan, he has infact never been to a game, however he has had the stadium tour of Old Trafford #topfan. Rhys has always had the same friendship group, consisting of 5 other members; Tom bishop- The young, and dench one; Jack Pate- the true Geordie; Kizza gale- The joker and the Baby face; Nathan Bown- The absolute schlongadong, and also Lawrence Clarke- The Whipped one to the pengting Shannon. Sir Rhys Bird is an enthused gamer, with most of his hours spent on either Fifa, rocket league or star wars battlefront. Rhys is infact a major sweat

at Fifa, so much to the point he cries if Jack moves the wall from free kicks. When he plays pro clubs with the lads, he controls the AI. Here, he abuses himself and then complains when we miss. Although Rhys feels the pain when he screws up and Jack shreds his dead nans mangled corpse over the mic, Rhys still doesn't become a team player and is a greedy, self centered waste of space. This is made even worse by the fact that his pro, Juan Juan is infact a 86 rated central attacking midfielder with so much potential, yet he doesn't use this to the best of his ability, therefor not profiting from it. He likes to think that he is a freekick specialist, just because he had the shear sweat of Memphis and Bale last year. However, we have come to realise, he is just incompetent in every aspects of this years game, and he should come round my house and jump out the third story window. It is also highly banterous when he gets aided by EA and loses to the utter cancer that is Bown. He is still yet to realise that his good pal Tom, the dench one, is the superior player as his the only one in the group that hasn't lost to the cancer of Barnabus.

Rhys is also famous for many online gay pornographic videos and pictures online and has a large following. His most popular video involves his friendship group, as they all participate in a bukkake with Rhys in the middle getting the cum, this video has the title "6 friends amazing cumfest". Another video that's famous is "Rhys enjoys Bown's 10 inch cock"

Sir Bird began his playing career just aged 6 when he joined Rothley imps and quickly found his way into the starting 11. He was often used as a squad player due to his versatility and blistering pace. Other than occasional back injuries from carrying the rest of the team Bird enjoyed his football throughout his playing years relatively injury free. He progressed through the ranks and was lucky enough to play alongside the likes of Jack Pate, Tom Bishop, Rahul Karia and a few other kids that are bad. Rothley imps had split by the age of 10 to become the Rothley rangers and the rockets with Bird playing in the latter of the two. After continuous successful seasons Rothley finally had no choice but to fold as Bird was just too good and it was getting disgusting quite frankly. It got to the stage where he found himself writing letters of apologies to the other 10 year olds for pulling of pieces of skill that would result in an early career change for them. He also when on to enjoy a short spell at Riverside in which he was the key player before he was bought by Birstall United in return for a chicken mayo. The club he had always dreamt of playing for. Even from a young age he had begged his mum for a BU shirt and after playing away there with Rothley once, he always dreamed he would come back. He has been at BU ever since and carried them last season to a comfortable league title scoring a massive 5 goals in 20 appearances for the club however some of those appearances were in positions as varied as striker to winger not to mention left back on the bench and right back in the changing rooms. However Birstall start the season as massive underdogs, a title which is being reconsidered even more by the day by opposition. 1 goal and 2 assists from Bird in a recent 5-0 thrashing of Loughborough means both bird and Birstall are looking like a formidable force for the rest of the season. Bird is yet to make an appearance at international level however having made appearance for his country at youth level it is only a matter of time.

So football manger wise Bird has seen major success at all levels of the game. From the treble with Manchester united, to taking Woking from the Conference to the Prem in 6 seasons! Stuff like that doesn’t go unnoticed Neil. However various different saves has conjured various different results some even resulting in the death of Rhys Bird to the birth of Rhys Bird the second! Long may he reign. Although as a manager he puts on a professional show there has been many enquires to his honesty to the game with speculation he saves the game before a big match and quits it if he loses. However his success is undeniable and his legacy will live on in his personal save game in the memories of the imaginary Man U fans for the rest of time. He really is a managerial great. Watch out Rafa! Career Statistics League apps. Goals. Assists. yellow cards. Red cards. cup apps. goals. Assists. yellow cards. Red cards. Rothley Imps 14 12 5 7 2 3 5 1 1 1 Rothley Rockets 12 7 0 5 2 1 3 1 0 0 Riverside 19 6 8 12 3 2 7 0 0 1 Birstall United 73 39 14 17 12 19 14 1 2 3

Honours: Club Rothley imps • Leicestershire and district mutual league winners: 2005, 06,07,08 Riverside • Leicestershire and district juniors Sunday league winners: 2011 Birstall united • Leicestershire and district MDH junior league: 2015 Individual • Leicestershire and district most likely to go pro 2006,07,08 • Outstanding Contribution to the Leicestershire and district league: 2007, 08, 09 • Scholes lookalike 1st place: 2012, 13,14,15, • Goal of the season: 2015 • Player of the year: every year mate Records Craziest own goal ever: 2015 Most time spent pulling his small sized shirt down in a game: 22 mins 46 seconds

Managerial honours

Manchester united

Premier league winners: 2016, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21 Champion’s league winners: 2019, 20, 21 FA cup winners: 2016,17,20,21 Capital one cup winners: 2016, 17, 18, 19

Woking

Conference south winners: 2016 Conference premier winners: 2017 League 2 winners: 2018 League 1 winners: 2019 Championship winners: 2020 Premier league winners: 2021