User talk:Jackson Francis/sandbox

Heidi Michael Peer Review
You do a good job of summarizing the information but be mindful to use objective, clear wording with no filler words.

I would change your article to: "The Animal Diversity Web (ADW) used a local, relational database written by undergraduate students and largely for use by college students with 3,675 contributors as of November 2017. Aside from being a database, the ADW also has other aspects including a non-profit website, a virtual museum with X number of exhibits, and an app for cellular devices for reference that matches the on-the-go lifestyle of college students today. Content on the ADW is generated by students filling out a template that is then viewed by ADW staff and instructors prior to publishing. Not only does the ADW is not only a reference tool but also in turn provides an opportunity for students to work on real-world writing applications and sharpen scientific writing skills. Although the ADW primarily targets audiences from higher education, the ADW provides a wealth of resources for K-12 instructors and its user-friendly interface allows for broad application."

Emily Martin Peer Review
What you did well:

I think the emphasis you put on ADW's connection with education institutions provides good background information about the site's targeted audience. I also think it was a good idea to include information about the processed of getting something published onto the website. This provides readers with an understanding that it is a largely student-driven operation and that readers should keep that in mind when visiting the website.

Things to improve on:

I think you should vary your sentence structure so that the "general" section reads more smoothly. For example, your first three sentences start with "The Animal Diversity Web" and are simple in structure. Just moving around some words would make it more enjoyable to read.

I would also expand on your sentence that references the local regional database. As someone with no background knowledge on the subject, I wanted more information on the type of database they're using. This could also be a good place to insert a reference to said database.

One thing that I found missing from the article was a specific sentence on what made Animal Diversity Web different from other databases. What is their specific area of interest and what are they hoping to accomplish with the website.

I also noticed that there were no citations in your draft. I'm not sure if that's something you were adding later, but citing your sentences is important so that the reader knows which reference goes with which sentence.

Lastly, I would say it is especially important to be wary of words that stray away from neutrality. For example, the sentence that reads "this provides a great opportunity for students" implies that the database is viewed in a positive light by the author. I would remove the word "great" be careful to avoid similar words as you work on your article.

Overall, I think you have a good start to your article. I would say the most important thing is to keep it from sounding like an advertisement for ADW. I know this can be difficult, but sticking to the facts and not writing with a tone that implies the ADW has a lot of offer for higher education communities can really improve the overall neutrality of the article. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Eemartin2 (talk • contribs) 18:10, 17 November 2017 (UTC)