User talk:Jacob.jones615/sandbox

Jacob, looks like we need to work on citations within Wikipedia and how to do them. I see you've added the "family/kazoku" section, perhaps drawn from Japanese Wikipedia? If you want to use that here, it will need to be translated into English. This is meant to be the English Wikipedia, not bilingual. Folks who want to look up Yosano in Japanese language will go to the Japanese version of Wikipedia. Let's meet and talk through what your further plans are for this article and any questions you may have. Elyssafaison (talk) 04:01, 13 February 2018 (UTC)

My first suggestion is that you hold off on making changes on the actual page until we are ready to pull the trigger on it, that way, it's less confusing when we reference the original page to see what you've changed. In addition, your "Yosano Akiko on" sections could use more citations. There are some direct quotes that definitely need some citations. I feel as if both of these sections could use a little more beefing up as well. I'd also be interested in seeing more under the "Turn to the Right" section. It seems like there is a link missing in that section as to why someone would "turn" like that, regardless, i think it's worth exploring, if only to get a better sense of how her feminist theory fits into that ideology. Bart9311 (talk) 15:24, 20 February 2018 (UTC)bart9311

Minor/writing: Myojo, youkan, Tekkan Yosano, etc. could have their wikipedia articles linked to help those who want more detail while reading. Early Life could be touched up a little (repeating common-law wife twice in one sentence, suburbs instead of suburb). Citation on financial independence quote, and modern Japanese literary position. Quotation on "She stated..." in motherhood section. Miscellaneous section has good information in it to fit in elsewhere. Overall: good additions. It will be nice to have more detail on her political positions. Just need to cite more, and fit your new sections into the existing article. Maybe have a new section titled beliefs, and your paragraphs be subsections? Godzilla5428 (talk) 18:18, 20 February 2018 (UTC)


 * Thank you for the review! I didn't even notice that there were so many other things in the article that could have been linked to other articles for clarification. Her husband Tekkan Yosano had already been linked in the information box in the top-right. Other than that, I do agree that the information should probably be restructured. One of the ideas I bounced around was having it called "Debates with Hiratsuka Raichou," but it was a little more complicated than that. In the end, I wanted it fleshed out in subtopics.Jacob.jones615 (talk) 01:21, 23 February 2018 (UTC)

I think my main suggestion would be to add more of a biographical element to the article. I think you wrote well about her beliefs on topics such as motherhood, but I'd be interested to know how she acted on those, and what type of activism she was involved in throughout her life. In addition, I think it could use more citation throughout the article, rather than just at the end of a section. Also, I know the "Early Life" section is from the original article, but it couldn't hurt to make it a bit more detailed. Anniefdunn (talk) 03:44, 21 February 2018 (UTC)

Jacob's Peer Review
Based on what was being edited so far, I see that the information that you are working with is clear and to the point. I like how you made a good statement in topic about motherhood. This, of course, can be further improved with possibly more examples, or perhaps other sources that can show another perspective of Akiko Yosano. There also the part regarding the lead section of the article.

The lead section displays a good image of what active roles she has done, but are their major feats or accomplishments that can be noted for readers to see her significance in feminist debates, or poetry. Such facts would be beneficial, if say you have not considered it already.ATang1392 (talk) 04:25, 21 February 2018 (UTC)


 * Thanks Anthony for the review! Some of the things I wanted to address were her opinions in the first place. The original article covered a lot of her life, her poetry, and her opinions on war in poetry, but it didn't have anything regarding some of the opinions that made her controversial.Jacob.jones615 (talk) 01:21, 23 February 2018 (UTC)

My Response to Peer Review
1.	What were the most helpful comments/suggestions you received, and why?

There were many ways that my article could have been improved that I didn’t think about until I saw them in the peer reviews. User:Shalor (Wiki Ed) noted that by placing weight on a handful of quotes, it seems as though through omission that emphasis was placed on these very specific samples, inadvertently making them seem like the most important part of her argument through the lens I constructed. User:Godzilla5428 noted that many of the proper nouns in my work, like the Myoujo and Youkan, could have had their respective articles linked. These are a few of the ways that the article could have been cleaned up.

Many of the other reviews suggested things to research that would have made the article more substantial. User:Anniefdunn suggested that I include some of the ways that she acted on her beliefs that I researched; Shalor wanted me to include more about Ellen Key and the back-and-forth that occurred between her and Yosano; and User:Bart9311 wanted to know more about how her feminist theory fit into her pro-war shift in thought.

'''2.     Are there certain suggestions you do NOT plan to take up in your continued work on your article? Why not?'''

I cannot think of any of the suggestions that would be inadvisable to include. However, I am not as interested in her earlier personal life as I am her stated views, unless these views are directly influenced by her personal life, like her earlier anti-war stance being influenced by one of her sons being a soldier.

'''3.     Are there suggestions you do intend to address? If so, how do you plan to address them?'''

I do want to improve the back-and-forth between her and other feminists, including Hiratsuka Raichou and Ellen Key. I also want to include more of her activism.

4.     You may include any general impressions you have about the peer review process, or about the specific reviews you received.

The reviews were very helpful in developing a better, more objectively-structured article. Earlier, I misunderstood the prompt at the top of the Akiko Yosano article asking for inline citations, and I created a separate article from scratch about one of the authors in the sources and published it. Shalor had critiqued it and gave me insight on how to write an article about authors.

To be honest, I am surprised about how much more I could have added that I didn’t realize until other classmates gave me their assessment. Jacob.jones615 (talk) 22:45, 26 February 2018 (UTC)

Instructor Response to your Peer Review Response
Thanks for your thoughtful response to your peer reviews. I have a couple of observations to make. One is about the Swedish feminist Ellen Key. Key (pronounced "Kay") was highly influential among ALL the early 20th century Japanese feminists we are reading about in Kano's book. It was not only Yosano who talked about her, but really almost all of them: Hiratsuka Raicho, Yamada Waka, Yamakawa Kikue, and others. I don't have a cite I can think of immediately that would tell you about her influence in Japan, but I am sure there is something out there. Another comment has to do with your stated disinterest in Yosano's early life. The fact that you are less interested in it would be good reason not to write about it for an analytical paper, but remember this is an encyclopedia article. If you have access to the information on her early life, it would be good to include it. Good work so far! Elyssafaison (talk) 07:45, 27 February 2018 (UTC)