User talk:Jacoo3/sandbox

Your sections are formatted really well. I would definitely go back through and find some topics to hyperlink throughout the article. I would also just go back through and proofread your sections because some of the sentences are a little unclear and are missing some small words. For example, the last sentence of the first section is missing something. Also, the first sentence of both sections are redundant - they say the same thing. So, maybe just go back and look at some of the word choices and sentence structures. Some of the language is a bit immature, if you will. One thing that can really eliminate that is to replace all of the 'be' verbs (am, is, are, was, were, be, being, been) with stronger verbs. That's a trick to use in any type of writing.

All of your information is really good and the organization and formatting is done very well. I would just go back and improve the sentence structure and verb choices.

Lhsmith430 (talk) 16:26, 15 November 2013 (UTC)