User talk:JaimeWalton/sandbox

Megan’s Evaluation: In the lead, you use direct quotes which I would try to modify in the paraphrasing style we went over in class. I know you addressed that you’ll be adding citations to everything in the next draft, but just a reminder to shoot for the one citation per sentence. Again in the plot section, I would give a similar recommendation not to use direct quotes from the book. I think your background section is cohesive and gives an illustrative view of why she wrote the book, but again the direct quotes. I think here you could use one or two from her but not more than that. The second sentence is a little awkward in its phrasing as well. I think overall in this section you could make it more concise. In your analysis, I think you need to be careful with the last sentence because it almost seems likes it’s your original research, but I’m assuming it’s from an author. Again I would reduce the amount of direct citations. Your publication section is well done, again direct quotes, but I think you could just shorten them a bit for this section. The reception is also good. I think you may want to be careful again with the words “culture and racial war,” because it may be better to cite directly there. Also, you may want to develop an analysis portion with some of this content regarding the book as a piece of transgender literature. Overall, you’ve made some great additions. I think before publishing you need to focus on fixing your citations, the amount you direct quote, and clarify some of the wordiness. Megan rose28 (talk) 23:02, 27 November 2019 (UTC)

Bailey's Evaluation
I agree with Megan that limiting use of direct quotes from your sources throughout the article will be helpful; I think your own paraphrasing will be more effective and concise while also aligning more with Wikipedia's preferred style. While you hit at this in the last sentence of the lead section, maybe you should consider emphasizing the notability of the book in the first or second sentence. As an extension of the first sentence may be a good place for this. In the plot summary section, some of the sentences are rather vague. For example: "At the beginning of My Princess Boy, the narrator (and mother) introduces the Princess Boy and his many interests. The narrator also describes the Princess Boy's family relationships and friendships." At the end of these sentences, considering clarifying the thought you introduced: "... the narrator introduces the Princess Boy and his many interests, such as (insert his interests here)." As I have not read the book myself, I'm a little confused about the meaning/relevance of the last sentence "My Princess Boy is your Princess Boy," so maybe consider clarifying that. In the background section, I would clarify what “Free to Be… You and Me” is. It is an adaptation of the book I'm focusing on, so I know what it is, but I think it is unclear to less informed readers. Overall, you've added a lot of solid information. I would just go back and review your additions, making sure that everything is clear from an outsider's perspective who may not be as familiar with the book or LGBTQ+ children's literature in general. Review that all your additions are consicely-worded and cited, but it sounds like you are already focusing on this in your next draft. Baileybane (talk) 02:43, 28 November 2019 (UTC)