User talk:Jake.peebles/sandbox3

Peer Review Edit #3 (Hernandez)
Peer review by John Hernández Jacob Peebles Sandbox Project #3

28/45. 62.2%

Hey Jacob, there’s a lot of potential in the content that you’ve formulated but I’m sure you realize it is unfinished and, thus, not without its shortcomings. You’ve formulated some informative paragraphs, but I will admit I don’t understand how they fit in chronologically or contextually with each other. I think some headers to separate the main ideas would be very helpful. It was not my intention to give you a bad score, but I think you would really benefit from adding in your final paragraphs and reflecting on their organization. Good luck!

Spelling/Grammar: 3 points. It’s a bit unfinished but your grammar and sentence structure is great in the paragraphs you wrote.

Language: 4 points. Perfect encyclopedic tone, but some content is missing.

Organization: 1 points. The formulation is problematic and the dates aren’t chronological so it feels as though it jumps around. Without any headers, I don’t understand any nuance or subcategories within the very general field of “immigration” I’d suggest at least separating historical information from contemporary. As of yet, it doesn’t really convey any direct points or ideas. Play around with cutting and pasting into a cohesive chronological order.

Coding: 1 points. It doesn’t really contain any, nor does it contain an article title that states the city and subject. Try inserting a header to separate information using “=heading=“, substituting the word “heading” for the actual heading you’d like to use.

Validity: 4 points. Information is valuable and pertains to the topic.

Completeness: 2. It’s a bit rough and lacks a general direction or main assertions.

Relevance: 4 points. It all seems to match up with the topic you stated.

Sources: 3 points. Correct amount of sources but not all are cited or in your own words.

Citations: 3. Those that are there are concise and seem to fit the cited sources.

References: 3. There are some missing “date” references in your sources and you didn’t utilize all of the ones listed. Jjher7030 (talk) 02:12, 12 June 2019 (UTC)

6/16/2019 Evaluation by DrMichaelWright
DrMichaelWright (talk) 12:50, 16 June 2019 (UTC)

This is good, but there is too much material that pertains to Sweden in general, rather than Stockholm specifically.
 * Points: 36.5/40
 * Grade: 91.25%

Spelling/Grammar
Meets standard.
 * "Many pre-2004 immigrant young males in Stockholm have come from Iran..." Have come is the perfect present tense. However, we're talking about something that happened 15 or more years. Please use the past tense: 'came'. Also, "pre-2004 immigrant young males..." is an awkward description. What is this sentence really trying to say?
 * "...a country who tries tries to preserve their identity..." a country 'which' tries to preserve 'its' identity.
 * "... and their are no titles ..." 'there'

Language
Nearly meets standard.
 * Some of the language is not very encyclopedic. e.g.:
 * "...a huge shift..."
 * "It is especially interesting in the case of Sweden..."
 * "Finding pleasure in the city is very easy..."
 * "As inviting as all of this sounds..."

Organization
Nearly meets standard.
 * Many of the paragraphs seem like they're too long.
 * In the first history paragraph, you start with the post-WWII and then go back to the 1930s. History paragraphs in particular work best following a chronological order.

Coding
Nearly meets standard.
 * The headers are bolded, which will make them look odd in the contents list of the article in which this would/will appear.
 * There are date problems in the references.

Validity
Meets standard.
 * "From the 1950s to the early 1970s, labor immigration dominated as new fathers came back from battle looking to care for their families." Which war would those fathers have been coming back from? This would be five years after WWII, during which Sweden was neutral. Furthermore, fathers coming back from battle would not be considered migrants. Your source also does not mention fathers coming back from a war.
 * "Only a small fraction of those people came from countries east of Sweden." Yes, this is what your source says - so this is not on you, but my personal experience (which may be idiosyncratic) is that there are TONS of post-Soviets here in Sweden. I live with a Latvian, and her family is nearby. My girlfriend is Russian/Armenian, and has Armenian friends. There's another Russian guy I know who is moving himself and his family from my town to Stockholm. In the Swedish-language class I've taken, there were also Russian students. Again, this might be a sampling error on my part, or perhaps the article is out of date. (Either way, you did faithfully say what your source article says.)

Completion
Exceeds standard. You definitely have a substantial amount of text here.

Relevance
Nearly meets standard.
 * A lot of this material pertains to Sweden in general, rather than to Stockholm specifically.