User talk:Jakovnewman/sandbox

"Peer Edit" You have some excellent content and organization here. What I noticed that could be improved was the flow of the language in some of your sentences. An example is "Many of these immigrants were denied asylum until the 1990s, when the conflict was drawing to a close. Instead, they were undocumented immigrants." to "They were instead classified as undocumented immigrants." This helps the flow of the article but it can also make your rhetoric clearer. There are certain instances where you provide a topic and evidence, but you describe the topic after the evidence which can be confusing. One case of this was "Many of these immigrants were denied asylum until the 1990s, when the conflict was drawing to a close. Instead, they were undocumented immigrants. This left them highly vulnerable to exploitation, especially in cities like Los Angeles, where racial violence was common. In the very beginning, MS-13 was a group of young delinquents with a common love for heavy metal music. It mutated into a gang in response to racial persecution." Here, the very last sentence seems like it should be introducing the ideas that came before it. Overall, these additions have very good detail and a great deal of historical background is provided.

--Evan616 (talk) 16:19, 30 November 2018 (UTC)