User talk:JaquelineW/sandbox

Audre'ana's Peer Review
I am going to copy edit this first and then go through and make notes in italics about what can be improved. I may re-write when I copy edit, they are only suggestions. Anything I think should be deleted will be bolded. Everything that I point out is only because I want your piece to be tip top.

Minority communities are disproportionally subjected to poverty in the United States. Is this fact or opinion? Studies have shown that people with in these impoverished communities are more likely than in other communities to face obesity and diabetes. ''What studies? Cite them after this sentence and name them in the sentence, for example you could say something like "According to the National Center for Obesity Prevention, people with in these impoverished communities are more likely than in other communities to face..."'' The large amount of unhealthy convenience food bought within low-income communities directly correlates with obesity and diabetes. According to what source? Community, environmental, economic, and cultural developmental factors have caused these communities to be at greater risk of obesity and diabetes. In a 2010 study, researchers by Dharma E. Cortés, PhD, Andreina Millán-Ferro, BA, Karen Schneider, PhD, Rodolfo R. Vega, PhD, and A. Enrique Caballero, MD focused their findings on low-income, Spanish speaking Latinos; however, these factors are prevalent amongst all low-income communities. These factors include: poor access to healthy foods, family budgets, food preferences, and fewer opportunities for physical activity. Cite that 2010 study here.

WaltzingwithWeasleys (talk) 16:57, 9 October 2018 (UTC)