User talk:Jasleenkaur118/sandbox

Kamu's Peer Review
Hi Jasleen! Good job on your drafting so far! Here's my feedback:

As a general comment, I would suggest that you copy and paste the sections of your Wiki article that you are adding to into your sandbox, and then bold the existing portions so that you can add your sentences right into it. It's a little harder to follow when you describe where you'll be placing each sentence, and I think copy-pasting the original article will help your draft flow more smoothly with what is already there.

Sector One quick note of clarification - is the first sentence you planned to add ("Migration to urban areas...") already in the article? I am looking at the Wiki article and wasn't sure if you added that or someone else.

I think you do a really great job of being encyclopedic about the prevalence of homelessness in Mumbai and the government services offered. I like that you offer statistics about the increase in slum populations in Mumbai -- it offers really good context for your discussion. I see that you mention "a lack of successful results from government policies." I think it would be really interesting for you to add another sentence or two describing how such policies have failed and what others have been implemented in their place.

Area You mention that "measures of poverty in India have shown a reduction in these numbers" -- do you think you might be able to identify specific measures/numbers that would solidify this claim further? I think it would be great if you could provide a statistic or two about poverty reduction in India over recent decades. I also appreciate that you have plans to clean up the existing article and make it flow more smoothly.

Good luck! :) Kpotharaju (talk) 16:28, 4 April 2019 (UTC)

Mira's Peer Review
Great start to drafting! You seem to have a great sense of how you will continue to improve your chosen articles and how to write in an encyclopedic tone.

Drafting
It would be really helpful in drafting, if you copied and pasted the paragraphs/sections that you are adding to into your sandbox in bold, and then added your sentences in unbolded text. That way it would be easy to visualize what you are moving around, what you are adding, and how it will flow with the rest of the existing article.

Sector Drafting
Great encyclopedic, neutral tone throughout the crafted sentences. I was a little confused by the first sentence that you wrote you're planning to add to the Causes section because it is already in the article--were you just planning on moving it? (this is where pasting in the existing paragraph would help). In your sources section you wrote that you are planning on adding an entire section dedicated to slums in Mumbai, are you still planning on doing that? Where will you fit that into the larger, existing article? I think it would be interesting to consider moving the "Growing concerns" section up right after "Causes" and perhaps combining it with the "Street children" section into one big, "Effects/Results/Concerns" section.

Area Drafting
Again, good tone overall and good content. This sentence seems slightly biased/essay-like to me: "that is exactly why examining factors other than income are crucial to understanding the reality of both absolute and relative poverty". Consider rephrasing it in a less opinionated and more encyclopedic tone. I really like your plan with the other sections and how you plan on reorganizing.

— Preceding unsigned comment added by Szabad lelek (talk • contribs) 21:57, 4 April 2019 (UTC)

Responding to Peer Review
Responding to Kamu's Peer Review

I think that copying and posting specific sections of my Wikipedia article on to my sandbox page is a good idea but I am worried it might crowd the sandbox and there will simply be too much text in my drafting section. I am looking to add specific numbers to my area article for sure and currently trying to find reliable sources to pull that information from.

Responding to Mira's Peer Review

I agree that I should be more careful of not using NGO/Governmental reports in my scholarly sources. But I think that it is easier to finding statistics in government reports than it is in scholarly sources. I also agree that the phrase "that is exactly why" is not very encyclopedia, so I will revise that.

Jasleenkaur118 (talk) 22:22, 11 April 2019 (UTC)Jasleen