User talk:Jckilpinen/Tuscarora War

DEAR JON - GREAT JOB ON THIS. YOU'VE ADDED A LOT AND FILLED OUT THE STORY SO THE ENTRY MAKES MUCH MORE SENSE. I THINK YOU HAVE THE TONE ABOUT RIGHT AND YOU NARRATE THE STORY WELL. SINCE YOU'VE MADE THIS LONGER, I THINK YOU SHOULD ADD A COUPLE MORE SECTIONS TO DIVIDE IT UP INTO MANAGEABLE CHUNKS. FOR ME, TWO THINGS NEED MORE EXPLAINING. FIRST, HOW WERE THE ENGLISH AND THE TUSCARORA USING AND DEPENDING ON EACH OTHER. WHAT CAUSES THIS TO FALL APART? SLAVERY AND SLAVE RAIDS? MAYBE SAY MORE ABOUT THAT. SECOND, WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS IN 1712 AND 1713 AFTER THE INITIAL RAIDS? A LITTLE MORE DETAIL ABOUT HOW BLOUNT ENDS UP IN CHARGE. FINALLY, YOU IMPLY THIS, BUT JUST SAY MORE ABOUT HOW COSTLY THIS IS FOR THE TUSCARORA AND WHY THIS CHANGES THE DYNAMIC AMONG SOUTHERN INDIANS - PART OF THE AFTERMATH?

YOU HAVE GOOD SOLID SOURCES HERE, BUT POKE AROUND AND SEE IF YOU CAN FIND MORE. FIND SEVERAL DIFFERENT SEARCH TERMS TO USE IN THE OU LIBRARY WEBSITE. ITS HARD TO USE BOOKS WHEN WE CAN'T GET TO THE LIBRARY, BUT ALL THE JOURNAL LITERATURE IS AVAILABLE. KEEP ADDING CITATIONS!

FOR THE FINAL VERSION, A FEW FORMATTING ISSUES. WHAT ABOUT SOME MAPS AND OTHER IMAGES? BUT BECAUSE THIS IS SUCH A STRONG DRAFT, YOUR ARTICLE WILL BE A HUGE IMPROVEMENT ON WHAT IS THERE NOW. (I'M PUTTING A CHECKLIST OF THINGS FOR YOU TO THINK THROUGH FOR THE FINAL VERSION JUST BELOW MY COMMENTS. NOT EVERYTHING IS APPLICABLE, BUT IT MIGHT HELP.

ANNE HYDE

LEAD: Does your lead summarize the entire article by briefly covering all important aspects of the topic? Does it work as an outline for the whole article?

First sentence: does it serve as a definition of the article topic, with the topic itself — be it a person, place, thing, idea or concept — in bold, and a brief description that puts it into context.

(Example: Anna Anderson (c. 16 December 1896 – 12 February 1984) was the best known of several impostors who claimed to be Grand Duchess Anastasia of Russia.)

BODY: Fact-based, not persuasive writing. The article is a description of the information you can find about a topic, based on good sources.

Did you write in your own words? Check that the article doesn’t contain excessive quotations, or copy any sources, even if you’ve given them credit.

Does the article let the reader decide for themselves? Avoid persuasive language? Are there any words or phrases that don't feel neutral?

Did you proofread? Basic grammar and spelling are correct? Complete sentences? Remove first-person (“I/we”) or second-person (“you”) writing.

Formal tone and simple language? No technical language or jargon? Check that you’ve explained acronyms and jargon in simple English the first time you use them.

Is your formatting consistent with the rest of Wikipedia? No bullet-pointed lists or too many headings in your article.

SOURCES: Is every claim cited to a reliable source?

Are there unsourced statements? Are there enough sources?

Are the sources reliable and authoritative. Does each source have citations – footnotes, bibliography, etc.

Good sources include textbooks or academic journals. Don’t cite blog posts.

Afh1858 (talk) 21:00, 10 April 2020 (UTC)