User talk:Jcross323/sandbox

When you say "addressing a serious matter" you might want to elaborate on this. The first sentence needs to be rephrased to flow better. Also, the organization of the sandbox is a little confusing. I know it will be better when it is all put together! You should add the pages from your person's wiki page and then try to seamlessly add your sentences into the ones that are already there. Drwbookman (talk) 02:05, 20 April 2020 (UTC)Drwbookman

I really like your article and your contributes are great. I think it'll be good if you found some information about the facility today; like if they're still open, how many patients have they treated since they've opened, stuff like that. "Princess Diana was seen to be addressing a serious matter of the time as society and the media criticized AIDS patients because society knew little to no information about the issue."- I think you should alter this sentence to "Princess Diana was addressing a serious matter of the time while society and the media criticized AIDS patients because society knew little to no information about the issue.BrittneyJ28 (talk) 22:21, 23 April 2020 (UTC)

Hii, I think your contribution is very good and will fit well with the rest of the piece. I only have a few suggestions. In the second sentence that starts with "The first case", you can end it at "Pinching" and start a whole new sentence with the next statement. It is a very long run-on sentence. In this short phrase, "Princess Diana was addressing a serious matter at a time when" you can remove "at the time". Overall, I really like what you did. Abryhiaaa (talk) 18:47, 28 April 2020 (UTC)Abryhiaaa