User talk:Jdecker8/sandbox

Jdecker all great suggestions for articles to improve, you're all set to move on to the next exercise (adding a citation) and to finalize your selection. Gardneca (talk) 07:01, 12 March 2019 (UTC)
 * Jdecker great work with the citation exercise. I noticed there was a slight typo in the citation which you might want to fix. Did you choose Nu Kwa as your article? If so, make sure to assign it to yourself in the Dashboard ASAP ('Finalize your Selection') exercise, and begin drafting this week. Great work so far! Gardneca (talk) 02:38, 29 March 2019 (UTC)

In general:

 * Needs Citations (MAJOR) -- I can't verify if what your writing is well supported or not.
 * Maybe add more hyperlinks to other Wikipedia pages if applicable
 * Several grammar mistakes
 * Reword some stuff either for clarification or better flow
 * Needs proper heading format -- you can make a header by clicking the top left button on the tool bar. Once you click the button, a drop-down menu will appear and you can choose if you'd like the text to be a "paragraph," "header," "sub-heading," among other things.
 * More content, if possible

Arranger of Marriages
Nüwa was born three months after her brother, Fuxi, to whom she later took as her husband; This marriage is the reason why Nüwa is credited with inventing the idea of marriage. '''Is there more information related to this section? If not, I think it's ok because then it would just reflect the amount of related knowledge to the real world. If there is more, I suggest google scholar/JSTOR/One search Manoa, to look up peer-reviewed journals discussing this topic. I.e. Are there shrines housing this goddess for people to pray for good partners? I'm doing Amaterasu and there's even debate on what she was orignally worshipped for, so that may be another idea on flushing out this section. Marriage seems like a popular topic so there may be some interesting finds.'''

Creation of Man
Nüwa created mankind due to loneliness which in time grew larger and larger (I'm probably being nitpicky with this one, but is there a specific time frame on her progression to loneliness?). The way in which she made some of mankind was by molding yellow earth (what is this yellow earth? -- wiki link maybe?) to the shape of humans (it sounded like she molded a human-shaped yellow earth if you left the "in". Plus, is there a word-alternative to human? It sounds a bit redundant when paired with mankind in this sentence). These people later became the wealthy leaders (wealthy leaders of what?) because they were created by Nüwa's hands directly. However, the average majority of mankind was created by Nüwa dragging string across mud to effectively mass-produce humans. She did this because creating every human by hand was too time and energy consuming. This creation of mankind gives an explanation to the social divide between people in China. (I don't know if this counts as a conclusion or not since they aren't needed on wiki pages -- maybe give a sentence or two to better explain how the difference in human-making created class differeces)

Nüwa and her bother/husband
Before the two of them got married, they lived on mount K'un-lun (Wiki page link?). A prayer was made after the two became guilty of falling for each other. The prayer is as follows, " Oh Heaven, if Thou wouldst send us forth as man and wife, then make all the misty vapor gather. If not, then make all the misty vapor disperse." Misty vapor then gathered after the prayer signifying they could marry. When intimate, the two made a fan out of grass to screen their faces which is why during marriages the couple holds a fan. By coming together, the two representative of Yin and Yang (reword) with Fuxi and masculinity and Nüwa with feminism (femininity). This is further defined (how is this further defined?) with Fuxi receiving a carpenter's square which symbolizes his identification with the physical world while Nüwa was given a compass to symbolize her identification with the heavens. Although there is a bit of work to be done, I think you have some needed and interesting topics to start off with. I generally don't know much about Nuwa but these topics seems to be cool ones that would catch my eye. Also, I know that my writing can seem pretty intense sometimes, but just know that it's just the formal writing style coming out lol -- I assure you, I am a nice person ^^;... Let me know if you'd like me to clarify on anything! Mailegri (talk) 03:18, 15 April 2019 (UTC)


 * Mailegri thanks for your excellent and very comprehensive peer review. Jdecker these are all fantastic suggestions to take into consideration and to use to improve your article. I'd follow these directly as a way to begin, and keep them in mind as you add additional bibliographic sources into your work. At the end of your article you mention the fan/marriage aetiological explanation - this is a great opportunity to find more about modern customs as influenced by myth and to hyperlink to aetiology. Good luck with your improvements and adding sources, keep up the hard work! Gardneca (talk) 17:52, 18 April 2019 (UTC)