User talk:Jefmenguin

Communication Misconceptions
Every time I conduct my STAND UP! SPEAK OUT! workshop, I notice that many participants were struggling because of their wrong notions about communication. These misconceptions limit their professional and personal effectiveness. Let's discuss these misconceptions.

MEANINGS ARE NOT IN WORDS. I still remember how our teachers forced us to memorized English Words. One teacher made us look for five "new words" everyday, list all the definitions, and use them in sentences. One thousand words and five thousand sentences in a year--did not make us better communicators! No, I am against learning new words or new language. However, we cannot rely on words alone when it comes to communication.

Meanings are not in words. Your perception about the world is not the same as mine. Our experiences give colors and hues, life and meanings to words. And because your perception determines the meanings you attribute to words, in communication the message SENT is not necessarily the message RECIEVED. And for your listeners, real communication is the communication they recieved.

When I was still a young teacher, I taught in the manner I "learned" from my teachers--through words. When I asked my students, "Do you understand?", they all nodded their heads in affirmation. Examination results, however, told another story.

If you want to become a better communicator, examine if you are a master of your words or a slave to them.

MORE COMMUNICATION IS NOT ALWAYS BETTER. Too much talking is dangerous to your communication health.

There are people who believe talking more is better. I observed that some speakers have too much love for the sound of their voices that they glued the mike to their hands and rooted themselves on the podium. I also meet this kind of people even in a very disciplined club of Toastmasters. Some, after my evaluation, confessed that they have so much to say the audience need to hear them all to understand their message. However, the audience got bored, irritated, and I believe recieved another message--the speaker does not know how to manage his time, the contenct of his message, and himself.

Yes, more communication is not always better. Sometimes, more communication (or talking) makes matter worst. Observe where most people find themselves when they just keep talking about their problems. Greater problems, right? Sometimes, it is much better to stop talking. Overtalking is noise.

Be silent. Listen.

NO SINGLE PERSON OR EVENT CAUSES ANOTHER REACTION. Observe how many reactions you will get from people by saying the following words: I LOVE YOU. I guess, the reaction will vary from one recipient to another. Just like the first misconception above, some people believe that the the words they say, or their actions, cause another person's reaction. Whatever we do, or say, simply contribute to how other people react. Since communication is transactional--a two-way traffic-- we cannot claim that we are the stimulus to another's reaction. When you say something that hurts them, you cannot say that "you" hurt them. The persons recieving your message, as I said in the first misconception above, have big control over the meaning of your message.

COMMUNICATION WILL NOT SOLVE ALL PROBLEMS. Mag-usap kayo (Talk to each other). I always hear this advice in solving problems between people. I agree that communication helps in solving problem. However, it is best to bear in mind that communication will not solve all problems. Problems of people are not only caused by miscommunication.

I was once asked by a teacher why one student failed in my class (Algebra). I explained to her all the reasons: zero in assignment, incomplete quizzes, and failed exams. I reminded her also that we had been consulting the students' parents and I had been talking to the student to refrain from cutting classes. The teacher appealed for my "generosity." Then she appealed to the Principal, then to the Dean of the school. Both invited me to their offices and made me explain. Both appealed for my "generosity." The parents are generous to the school.

Communication will not solve all problems. World peace could have been attained if it were so.

COMMUNICATION IS NOT A NATURAL ABILITY Yes, no one is born a natural communicator. Though it is natural for man to speak, to relate with one another, the ability to do so is a product of experience and training.

Some people think that some great speakers are natural. They are outgoing and intelligent. On the contrary, various researches have shown that many great speakers/communicators are introverts, and that intelligence grow with the ability to communicate.

One time a friend, a manager of a big company, told me that he could not understand why he became a manager. He was afraid to speak in public and he avoided every situation that would make him speak in public.

I replied," I think that is why you are a manager. If you were not avoiding those opportunities to represent your company, you could have been one of the VP's now."

--Jefmenguin (talk) 07:25, 5 December 2009 (UTC)