User talk:JennahO/Antisocial personality disorder

Peer Review from William Peacock
Unnecessary “-“ after the headings. While editing, you can change the text style to “Heading” to get the larger, thinner, and underlined heading format that if found in the article.

Symptoms and behaviors:

Editing stuff:

Some inconsistent capitalization in the headings and subheadings, like “Disregard for Safety and lack of responsibility”. It seems that the standard for Wikipedia is to capitalize only the first word of a heading.

There are run-on sentences, like “An individual with the diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder causes harm to humans or animals with purposeful intent, therefore they are willingly and consciously aware of their performed actions with no remorse or concern of possible outcomes associated with how victims are mistreated (which shows recklessness).” There should be a period after intent and a comma after therefore. There are other run-on sentences with similar structure.

There are a couple of unnecessary commas, like ” In contrast, an individual who harms a victim with negligence, is doing so because…” the comma after negligence is unnecessary.

Overall, the information is good, but there are just grammatical nitpicks that should be addressed before publishing.

Revising stuff:

Lots of black-and-white kind of wording here, like in the first sentence. Phrases like “causes harm to humans or animals with purposeful intent” should probably be softened to something like “tend to cause intentional harm to humans or animals.”

In general, it’s better to use words like “may,” “tend to,” or “are more likely to” instead of words like “are.” Remember that conditions like these exist on a continuum and not everyone diagnosed behaves in the same way. There are only statistical correlations, and the wording should try and reflect that.

There appears to be a slight shortage of citations at the end of the first paragraph and most of the second one. Make sure not to repeat too much of the same information or provide uncited information.

The details here are excellent, but, just as a note, it is rather clear that some of this information has been stretched out a little bit. Remember that the word count is not as important as the quality of the information.

Causes:

Editing stuff:

Lots of parentheses here, which is fine, but the standard for Wikipedia seems to be a hyperlink to the associated article rather than a short description in parentheses. Parentheses appear to be reserved for things like alternative terms or acronyms for certain terms that are used multiple times. There are also some parentheses that are simply unnecessary, like “safe (out of harm’s way)”

Grammar wise; I don’t see too many issues with commas or run-ons. Only the occasional missing capitalization or missing space before a parenthesis which is easy to fix.

Revising stuff:

The sentence, “As seen in other forms of mental illness such as: post-traumatic stress disorder (symptoms of upsetting/terrifying memories of traumatic events), reactive attachment disorder (little to no response regarding emotional triggers), disinhibited social engagement disorder(roaming off with people you don’t know without caregivers being informed), dissociative identity disorder(disconnection from self or environment) etc.” is extremely long and its meaning is unclear. It seems to be connected to the next sentence, “it’s apparent that safety in childhood is crucial for avoidance of a list of many mental illnesses and a greater chance of a healthy future for individuals.” but that is uncited and appears to be a conclusion drawn without a source. I could be wrong and that could be an association made in your source (I didn’t read the sources), but if it is that should be clarified and cited.

Some phrases in here, like the last sentence in the first paragraph, do not relate to ASPD. While they are interesting bits of additional information, they do not necessarily belong on Wikipedia.

The content here is really good about speaking statistically, with terms like “less likely” and “correlate.” I believe that there is more to be said about childhood trauma and that you are barking up the right tree, but there needs to be a source that directly relates it to ASPD. Whp053 (talk) 17:30, 23 March 2023 (UTC)


 * Thank you very much for the feedback and suggestions. I really appreciate all the detail you gave; you made it very easy to understand. I agree with the suggestions you made and am aware that sometimes I tend to get carried away with my writing, so I’ll try to be more conscious of my grammar and ability to be concise in the future. JennahO (talk) 08:28, 21 April 2023 (UTC)

Peer Review
I like the references you provided they all added very well to the article and related to the article. I would like to see more contributions to the Symptoms and behaviors and causes portions of the article. But overall they beginning stages of your article is very good.

Grammer

Disregard for Safety and lack of responsibility

intent, therefore - intent. Therefore

of- about

help- helps

toleration for- tolerance

Childhood trauma

as: - as Isbenn (talk) 07:57, 3 April 2023 (UTC)


 * Thank you very much for your feedback and suggestions. For the rough draft I didn’t pay as much attention to grammar as I should have, but I’ll make sure to fix everything before the final post! I also appreciate your suggestion to add more to my paragraphs and will continue looking for sources so I can do so. JennahO (talk) 08:30, 21 April 2023 (UTC)