User talk:Jeremiahhec/sandbox

Hi Jeremiah,

I think you did a really great job with making sure you cited your sources and provided detailed information. I do think you could make it a little more understandable for the common person. Because wikipedia is meant for the general population. Your use of images and tables to support it definitely helped though. You also did a good job of hyperlinking your information. I would just say to read through it a few more times from a different perspective as someone who isn't involved in science and see if it still makes sense and flows well. Good job!Zbezilla (talk) 02:30, 16 November 2019 (UTC)Zbezilla

Jeremiah,

• Abstract: There is a lot of use of complicated medical terminology in this section. But since it is Wikipedia, a lot of people not familiar with these terms use Wikipedia to learn. I suggest adding some hyperlinks or just briefly explain in your own words.

• Signs and Symptoms: To make this section clearer and more concise, I suggest just listing the signs and the symptoms in a bullet point format.

• Causes: When you explain that “there has been some studies that implicate T cells” as a cause to the disease, you should, maybe, further elaborate on those studies and what they specifically found.

• Mechanism: Having a rare disease is very hard to distinguish a mechanism, so I think you did this section well. But like I said in the Causes section, you mention T cell playing a role. You could just elaborate on that topic. Fiestadenise (talk) 01:53, 19 November 2019 (UTC)

Sweiner02 (talk) 01:25, 2 December 2019 (UTC)
 * It looks like you didn't copy source, so the citations didn't transfer and you have some weird formatting. I would copy your edits elsewhere, copy from source, and add them back in.
 * Get rid of "abstract" and "Eale's Disease" at the top.
 * You are completely missing several sections.
 * If you are using subheadings, like in signs and symptoms, actually make them subheadings.
 * You must cite your sources thoroughly and throughout
 * Link heavily to other wikipedia articles.