User talk:JessicaVoiceDisorders/sandbox

Erin's peer review
Hey Jessica!

Great job! This is a strong contribution to the LPR article. You clearly devoted a lot of thought to the relative strengths and weaknesses of the article as it currently exists to write this up. Your language is professional and clearly-worded throughout. I particularly like that you chose to tackle the article lead, since as it currently stands (in the original article), it's very hard to tell whether there's a distinction being made between GERD and LPR, which you began to address.

- Your first reference in the diagnosis section seems to be experiencing a technical/formatting issue.

- Under diagnosis, first paragraph, you could mention which disorders have overlapping symptoms with LPR -- this might be an opportunity for a Differential Diagnosis subheading, unless someone else in your group is writing that.

- "is believed to be the most effective" sounds like a bit of a soft stance. You could say that it shows relative strengths owing to its recognition of both acid and non-acid reflux. This would also be a good point for a reference, even if its redundant, since it's showing a preference for one technique over another.

- My impression of the sentence about data being derived from an adult population is that it relies on some assumed knowledge of interpreting how research data generalizes, and tonally sounds more like a sentence from a study than from a Wikipedia article. You could reword this to fit tonally with the rest of your contribution.

- The invasive and non-invasive tests might be a good opportunity for bulleted lists.

- Small typo -- you typed "PH monitoring" instead of "pH monitoring".

- "agreed upon" (second paragraph of Diagnosis) should be hyphenated.

Again, you're doing a great job, stay excellent! Rileyerine (talk) 20:52, 26 October 2017 (UTC)

Thank you for all of your suggestions Erin! I really appreciate it. They were very helpful. I agree it is very important to talk about which disorders overlap with LPR. Someone else in my group is tackling differential diagnosis section JessicaVoiceDisorders (talk) 15:20, 4 November 2017 (UTC)

Edits feedback
Hi JessicaVoiceDisorders,

Here are some comments on your edits for the article on Laryngopharyngeal Reflux!

Strengths:
 * I really like your writing style; it is concise and easy to follow.
 * All the additions are relevant to the topic.
 * Your references are all recent and the links to articles all work.

Areas of improvement:
 * There is a lot of technical vocabulary. You could make it more accessible for reader by including hyperlinks (e.g. pathophysiology, dysphagia, laryngomalacia, recurrent papillomatosis, etc.) or including descriptions of terms.
 * You could consider adding references for the questionnaires listed.
 * I think autocorrect changed “globus” pharyngeus to “globes” pharynges.
 * I also agree with Rileyrine's suggestion regarding phrasing of "is believed to be most effective" - I think Wikipedia frowns upon not specifying the source of bias in instances where the literature does not agree on best practice.

Let me know if you have any questions about my comments! Jlmdouce (talk) 00:53, 28 October 2017 (UTC)

Thank you for your comments. All of your suggestions were very helpful and I have addressed them in my edits! JessicaVoiceDisorders (talk) 15:21, 4 November 2017 (UTC)

Adriana's Peer Review
Hi Jessica, I agree with a lot of the comments shared above regarding the strengths of your article section. The language you used was very encyclopedic, and left no room for personal bias or opinion to show through, which is very important. I also think that the structuring of your section is very clear and concise.

I would suggest the addition of hyperlinks, as Jlmdouce mentioned, as this could facilitate access to other information if reader's have less existing knowledge of the topic. However I think for the sake of the article itself, your use of technical language is appropriate and for the most part well explained. Adriana gentile (talk) 21:17, 28 October 2017 (UTC)

Thank you Adriana. I agree with your suggestion about adding hyperlinks and have added them! JessicaVoiceDisorders (talk) 15:23, 4 November 2017 (UTC)

Feedback from Nicole
Hi Jessica

Great job in your professional writing. Your writing is accessible to public and professional readers. I also appreciate that you mentioned about H. Pylori in LPR. Great resources. You're also very responsive to peer's comments.

Nicole — Preceding unsigned comment added by SCSD639 (talk • contribs) 22:44, 29 November 2017 (UTC)