User talk:Jessica Kurf/sandbox

The following is a review of the additions to the "Management of Parkinson's Disease" article by Jessica_Kurf:

In the section on deep brain stimulation, the opening sentence has some redundant text. The sentence fragment "is a highly personalized intervention which" could be removed from the sentence entirely to make it more succinct while still conveying the same information (Jessica_Kurf). The text describes that surgery for deep brain stimulation must be specifically tailored for each patient, but does not go into any further depth regarding how it must be adapted for each patient. Some more detail here could be valuable in ensuring that readers understand this. The next few sentences introduce several approaches for DBS. This section may be better organized if each approach was separated into either a subsection or a new paragraph. Each subsection or new paragraph could then detail each approach and their advantages and disadvantages.

The sentence in the section on neurohabilitation describing the four new fields includes too much information for one sentence and is somewhat confusing as a result. As with the section on approaches for DBS, four subsections or paragraphs would convey the information more clearly. Each subsection or paragraph could introduce and describe each field and explain their advantages and disadvantages relative to one another. The sentence which follows contains a grammatical error. The sentence may be better phrased as "collecting robust scientific evidence on the cost-effectiveness for these four new neurohabilitation approaches has been challenging" (Jessica_Kurf).

In the opening sentence on the section on biomarkers, the word "amount" should be pluralized (Jessica_Kurf). In addition, adding a few sentences providing a brief overview of what a perspective biomarker is could be valuable in ensuring that readers fully understand the functions of the markers introduced later on. Links to other articles should be added to more advanced terms, such as alpha synuclein, IL-6, and TNF receptor-1. Readers may not know what these proteins and receptors are, and adding links to other articles would provide an easy opportunity for readers to obtain additional information.

The additions to the article are very good so far and with a few changes, will be excellent. I wish you the best of luck in your revisions!

Salehi.s (talk) 01:42, 29 November 2016 (UTC)