User talk:Jgahungu/sandbox

Abstract: I would take out the bullet points at the end of this section. Maybe move some symptoms from abstract into the actual symptom section Good article, very to the point and not much description. All your sections are just bullet points. I'm not sure if you can elaborate in each section a little more to give reader more information on the disease. Xtina383 (talk) 13:43, 16 November 2015 (UTC)

Hi Jessica! I think you have a great start, especially considering the drawbacks you experienced with setting up the article. You have a very interesting topic! I look forward to reading when you have the article a bit more developed. I tried going through each section of the wiki rubric, but some sections need a bit more work before I can really be of help. I left notes next to the header of each section. Let me know when you've added more so that I can take a look. Please let me know if you would like for me to clarify any of my recommendations above. Overall, great work! -Jazzmyne

Abstract

Short summary major features - The short summary can be put into lay terminology a bit better. Maybe hyperlinking a bit less, or including the hyperlinks in a section of "associated problems" in the symptoms section would be useful. I noticed this section came from the "stub" version of the initial wikipedia, which probably explains why it needs tweaking. It's quite dense.

History of disease - Too incomplete to advise at the moment. Will review when complete.

Alternative names for disease - Well done.

Statistics and demographics - Too incomplete to advise at the moment. Will review when complete.

Mechanism - This section appears to have a good outline.There may be some other things to consider (i.e. progression of the disease/stages listed below). I look forward to reading when you're done editing.

Pathophysiology -

Stages/Progression -

Symptoms - Lots of what was mentioned in the abstract is good meat for this section of your article. Also, are there mental health issues associated with the disease, comsidering it could affect confidence in external appearance? Could this be considered a symptom? I look forward to reading again soon!

List symptoms -

Specify if symptoms are acute or chronic -

Warning signs -

Description of symptoms -

Diagnosis - Nice outline. Definitely needs to be fleshed out to include the criteria below.

Diagnostic techniques

Diagnostic criteria

Family/Medical history

Cause and prevention - Nice outline. There are definitely some other topics that can be included in this area. A few are listed below. Also, it scleroderma triggered by something else? Is a person more likely to get scleroderma if they have other autoimmune diseases? Is race/ethnicity a factor? Please expound on this section.

Causes

Screening

Possible prevention

Groups most likely to be affected

Risk factors

Treatment and Prognosis - Good outline, but what about prognosis?

Describe common treatments

Life expectancy

Long-term complications

Holistic care

Recent Research

Most relevant research within 10 years

Explanation of results

Cites credible sources

Style

Easy to read - the opening abstract is a bit complex. Maybe a brief explanation of the hyperlink's you put in the abstract would be helpful.

Correct grammar - Too incomplete to advise at the moment. Will review when complete.

Follows Wikipedia style manual - Your article appears to follow the typical Wiki layout.

Links to topics that need explanation - I referred to this above. Briefly explaining the diseases that you hyperlink to throughout the article will help to better understand your wiki article.

Jmontgomery15 (talk) 16:00, 12 November 2015 (UTC)

Sweiner02 (talk) 02:45, 20 November 2015 (UTC)
 * Nice abstract except the flaoting bullet points.
 * This is a really vague outline, so it's hard to say much.
 * It's hard to tell what articles you're talking about from the bullets in recent research, but they don't really look like the sort of research that's really shedding light on it. Try doing a little more digging on google scholar. There's some great stuff out there.
 * Make sure you connect the antibodies to the condition in mechanism.