User talk:Jgill224/sandbox

-Thank you for these comments! -I added a couple pictures but could not find a picture on wiki of how the condition looks -I removed the sentence after the first paragraph and added it to research since it flow better there. -I did not add a sentence for the list of the symptoms due to the fact that it was supposed to be shown as a list form and not a paragraph explaining each symptom. -I added a research section! (Jgill224) — Preceding unsigned comment added by Jgill224 (talk • contribs) 04:41, 18 December 2020 (UTC)

Jvanegas10 (talk) 17:30, 19 November 2020 (UTC)
 * You did a good job in explaining specific words! Even if you highlighted the word, you still summarized its meaning after and that helped me as I was reading.
 * I know since these diaseases are unique and there is not much information on them it can be difficult to elaborate on it in the article but overall you did well!
 * You could add pictures to make the article flow more. Since you said there are yet no images of the disease under a microscope, perhaps you can add images of how the pharyngeal looks with the white- yellows dots.
 * I feel like the two sentences after the first paragraph do not belong there. You can probably add them in a different section. The second sentence can probably go under symptoms and you can use it as an example of a known case.
 * For the signs and symptoms section I liked how you descibed some of the signs, but then for your list of symptoms, you did not say what those were. Add a sentence before the list of three symptoms saying "Some of the symptoms are:" or something of that sort to make the section flow a bit more.
 * You forgot to add the Research Section. It can talk about future needs of research with this disease or any current trials. Try to find some within the last 10 years.

-Thank you for these comments. They really helped me edit my page to make it a lot better! -I added a couple pictures to help with the visualization of my article -I replaced "constitution symptoms" as well as the other words that sounded too advanced to more basic wording -I added patient level info in the diagnosis -I edited the mechanism to sound more like a mechanism -I added in treatments I previously talked about -I added more into the prognosis -I added recent research section -(Jgill224)  — Preceding unsigned comment added by Jgill224 (talk • contribs) 04:34, 18 December 2020 (UTC)

--Sweiner02 (talk) 16:26, 19 November 2020 (UTC)
 * Use a picture that exists on wikimedia of the relvant structures, and maybe of keratinized tissue.
 * Constitutional symptoms?
 * Some of your phrasing is confusing and/or awkward.
 * "may be desirable if discomfort is not wanted." Seems too much like advice and not general.
 * "something to think" too informal.
 * Do not discuss as "we".
 * How will this doctor diagnose? Just talking about what doctor is patient level information, not encyclopedia level.
 * This is not a mechanism, this is diagnosis.
 * You talked about other treatments earlier, but not in the treatment section. Include those here as well.
 * That most cases go away on their own is a prognosis. What's the timeline? Also, the fact that there is no long-term impact and recurrence is rare. You've talked about all this. Put it in the section!
 * Missing recent research. There isn't much, but there is some and you should include it.
 * When you reuse a source, reuse it in the citation manager. Do not create a new source from the same item.

Thank you for these comments! -I combined the sentences into one paragraph in the intro -I added a research section -I added more to the mechanism section even though there is very little info, I managed to add as much as I could. (Jgill224)

Bobby896 (talk) 19:35, 19 November 2020 (UTC)
 * I think you did a great job with the introduction. I suggest putting it all in the same paragraph to keep the flow of the section consistent.
 * A research section is needed to ensure that you cover all of the sections outlined in the rubric.
 * I think you need to go into more depth with the mechanism. You listed them but it is too vague.

Thank you for these comments! -I edited the first section to flow better and changed some wording around -I added more to the mechanism -I tried to elaborate on the causes as much as I could with very little info within this condition. (jgill224)

Yusur.alj (talk) 20:59, 19 November 2020 (UTC)
 * Great job highlighting uncommon terminology and attaching it to the correlating pages. Also the organization and structure is good.
 * In the first section, I would organize the paragraph a little better, and try to use another world of "alot". Possibly define the disease/disorder briefly, where it's found? characterized by what? what type of collagen? etc
 * I would add a little more to the mechanism maybe tie in the histological aspect of it. Perhaps how these disorganized cells grow; which growth factors play a role?
 * I would just elaborate on the causes maybe tie in other factors of ketosis itself and indicate its location and how that type of cell is different from this growth.