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The Stages of Grief: The "Letting Go" Process with the Sedona Method

We use various ways instinctually and as a society to cope with our grief. The commonly accepted stages of grief are as follows:

* Stage 1: Denial. The initial disbelief, shock, numbness and trauma that results immediately after the loss. * Stage 2: Anger. A highly charged "why me" emotional state that can inhibit sound judgment and clear thinking. This stage is marked by outbursts of uncontrollable rage.

* Stage 3: Dialogue and bargaining. An often the briefest stage one enters after expressing their feelings of rage. Unlike denial, bargaining is a sort of frantic negotiating state, usually with God, that maybe there's still some shred of hope that all has not been lost. * Stage 4: Depression and detachment. Melancholy and apathy render the individual almost paralyzed emotionally and physically, as the reality of the loss sinks in deeply. Some of the symptoms of depression include: inconsolable sadness; feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness; loss of appetite; insomnia; anxiousness, restlessness; suicidal thoughts; loss of interest in things you used to enjoy doing; difficulty concentrating or making any kind of decisions; forgetfulness; irritability; the inability to cry even if you want to. Guilt can also be a huge weight during this stage * Stage 5: Acceptance. A sense of peace and calmness is reached as you begin to accept the events that happened, and that they were out of your control. In your life, you have found new purpose and meaning, and the strength of will to go on living. Block quote

Most people get stuck in the fourth stage of grief, constantly re-living the events and feeling helpless as to how to change them. The truth is you can't change what happened. However you don't have to live in a constant nightmare of cyclical grief. It is a vicious cycle that will eventually erode away your very quality of life and you deserve so much better. Loss and Grief is like a dark prison cell, where we are our own jail-keeper, and therefore keeper of the key to your own freedom. The Sedona Method will gently guide you, when you are ready, step- by-step on how to move through the stages of grief that eventually all of the stages dissolve because you can finally let go of your grief. Your deep loss does not mean you have to remain shackled forever. You deserve to live. You deserve happiness inner peace, joy and love. Allow yourself to receive comfort, at long last. Be on your way to emotional wellness and freedom from depression all from learning how to let go with the Sedona Method. Breathe again, and Order Now.

A Sample Releasing Process

The following explanation and process will give you a small taste of what The Sedona Method can do for you. Remember, this is just a sample. For you to get maximum benefit and sustained results, we highly recommend that you work with our audio program and/or attend one of our seminars.

There are three ways to approach the process of releasing, and they all lead to the same result: liberating your natural ability of letting go of any unwanted emotion on the spot, and allowing some of the suppressed energy in your subconscious to dissipate. The first way is by choosing to let go of the unwanted feeling. The second way is to welcome the feeling, to allow the emotion just to be. The third way is to dive into the very core of the emotion.

A simple exercise:

Let me explain by asking you to participate in a simple exercise. Pick up a pen, a pencil, or some small object that you would be willing to drop without giving it a second thought. Now, hold it in front of you and really grip it tightly. Pretend this is one of your limiting feelings and that your hand represents your gut or your consciousness. If you held the object long enough, this would start to feel uncomfortable yet familiar.

Now, open your hand and roll the object around in it. Notice that you are the one holding on to it; it is not attached to your hand. The same is true with your feelings, too. Your feelings are as attached to you as this object is attached to your hand.

We hold on to our feelings and forget that we are holding on to them. It’s even in our language. When we feel angry or sad, we don’t usually say, “I feel angry,” or, “I feel sad.” We say, “I am angry,” or, “I am sad.” Without realizing it, we are misidentifying that we are the feeling. Often, we believe a feeling is holding on to us. This is not true… we are always in control and just don’t know it.

Now, let the object go.

What happened? You let go of the object, and it dropped to the floor. Was that hard? Of course not. That’s what we mean when we say “let go.”

You can do the same thing with any emotion: choose to let it go.

Sticking with this same analogy: If you walked around with your hand open, wouldn’t it be very difficult to hold on to the pen or other object you’re holding? Likewise, when you allow or welcome a feeling, you are opening your consciousness, and this enables the feeling to drop away all by itself—like the clouds passing in the sky or smoke passing up a chimney with the flue open. It is as though you are removing the lid from a pressure cooker.

Now, if you took the same object—a pencil, pen, or pebble—and magnified it large enough, it would appear more and more like empty space. You would be looking into the gaps between the molecules and atoms. When you dive into the very core of a feeling, you will observe a comparable phenomenon: nothing is really there.

As you master the process of releasing, you will discover that even your deepest feelings are just on the surface. At the core you are empty, silent, and at peace—not in the pain and darkness that most of us would assume. In fact, even our most extreme feelings have only as much substance as a soap bubble. And you know what happens when you poke your finger into a soap bubble: it pops. That’s exactly what happens when you dive into the core of a feeling.

Please keep these three analogies in mind as we go through the releasing process together. Releasing will help you to free yourself from all of your unwanted patterns of behavior, thought, and feeling. All that is required from you is being as open as you can be to the process. Releasing will free you to access clearer thinking, yet it is not a thinking process. Although it will help you to access heightened creativity, you don’t need to be particularly creative to be effective at doing it.

You will get the most out of the process of releasing the more you allow yourself to see, hear, and feel it working, rather than by thinking about how and why it works. Lead, as best you can, with your heart, not your head. If you find yourself getting a little stuck in trying to figure it out, you can use the identical process to let go of “wanting to figure it out.” Guaranteed, as you work with this process, you will understand it more fully by having the direct experience of doing it.

So here we go. The Choice of Letting Go and Aiming for Emotional Intelligence Make yourself comfortable and focus inwardly. Your eyes may be open or closed.

Step 1: Focus on an issue that you would like to feel better about, and then allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling in this moment. This doesn’t have to be a strong feeling. In fact, you can even check on how you feel about this exercise and what you want to get from it. Just welcome the feeling and allow it to be as fully or as best you can.

This instruction may seem simplistic, but it needs to be. Most of us live in our thoughts, pictures, and stories about the past and the future, rather than being aware of how we actually feel in this moment. The only time that we can actually do anything about the way we feel (and, for that matter, about our businesses or our lives) is NOW. You don’t need to wait for a feeling to be strong before letting go. In fact, if you are feeling numb, flat, blank, cut off, or empty inside, those are feelings that can be let go of just as easily as the more recognizable ones. Simply do the best you can. The more you work with this process, the easier it will be for you to identify what you are feeling.

Step 2: Ask yourself one of the following three questions:

• Could I let this feeling go? • Could I allow this feeling to be here? • Could I welcome this feeling?

These questions are merely asking you if it is possible to take this action. “Yes” or “no” are both acceptable answers. You will often let go even if you say “no.” As best you can, answer the question that you choose with a minimum of thought, staying away from second-guessing yourself or getting into an internal debate about the merits of that action or its consequences.

All the questions used in this process are deliberately simple. They are not important in and of themselves but are designed to point you to the experience of letting go, to the experience of stopping holding on. Go on to Step 3 no matter how you answered the first question.

Step 3: No matter which question you started with, ask yourself this simple question: Would I? In other words: Am I willing to let go?

Again, stay away from debate as best you can. Also remember that you are always doing this process for yourself—for the purpose of gaining your own freedom and clarity. It doesn’t matter whether the feeling is justified, long-standing, or right.

If the answer is “no,” or if you are not sure, ask yourself: “Would I rather have this feeling, or would I rather be free?”

Even if the answer is still “no,” go on to Step 4.

Step 4: Ask yourself this simpler question: When?

This is an invitation to just let it go NOW. You may find yourself easily letting go. Remember that letting go is a decision you can make any time you choose.

Step 5: Repeat the preceding four steps as often as needed until you feel free of that particular feeling.

You will probably find yourself letting go a little more on each step of the process. The results at first may be quite subtle. Very quickly, if you are persistent, the results will get more and more noticeable. You may find that you have layers of feelings about a particular topic. However, what you let go of is gone for good.

How can The Sedona Method help Me?

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It sounds simple. When we are holding on to something that we don't need - we should probably let go. So why do we find it so difficult?

Attachment shapes our life from childhood. We form a bond with our parents, and these early relationships have an impact on all future relationships. When these relationships change, or when we experience a loss, we are faced with the difficult process of letting go. We usually don't want to let go. We want to continue the attachment which has given us such fulfillment. We often want to continue the attachment even when it is no longer rational to want it.

Several years ago I helped my daughters move to college. So far, so good. Now I have to learn how to let go and allow them to make the decisions that they need to make for their lives. I've already made some mistakes here - and we have a long way to go. I spent seven years working with college students at a college counseling center. I thought that I knew a lot about this process, but it was different when I had to go through it myself. The book Letting Go: A Parents' Guide to Understanding the College Years  is an excellent guide for parents of college students. It hasn't kept me from making some mistakes, but it has helped me understand my feelings and avoid making other mistakes.

There has been much written about the process of coping with a loss. Some have divided grief into stages. The most commonly cited stages, based on the work of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Recent work suggests that these are tasks, rather than stages. We all go through them in a different order, and we have to work through them rather than passively experience them. The final stage, acceptance, involves letting go and moving on.

People who are very stressed often have increased muscle tension. This tension can result in headaches, neck and shoulder pain, joint pain (such as TMJ pain), and other problems. Various relaxation techniques such as progressive muscle relaxation, biofeedback, and hypnosis all help people reduce muscle tension. Physical approaches such as massage therapy and yoga can also be very helpful. People participating in these techniques learn to let go of this tension in their body. Many find it easy to let go of cares and worries during a time when they are also letting go of muscle tension.

We are beginning to discover that there are health benefits to letting go. People who worry a lot and hold on to problems may be more vulnerable to physical problems than people who are able to let go. Anger and hostility have even been associated with heart attack risk. At least two personality types have been connected with an increased risk of heart attack. Type A and Type D personalities both involve an inability to let go. The type A person is pressured and driven, while the type D person is worried and anxious. By learning to let go of cares, worries, anger, deadline pressure, and similar concerns we may be lengthening our lives. We are certainly making them more enjoyable.