User talk:Jhouse2/sandbox/halotopcreamery

Peer Review
Hey, good job on expanding the Wikipedia page so far. The section that stands out the most to me is the ingredients section which I think could be improved a bit to sound a bit more neutral. You claim that "Halo Top is unique due to its healthy ingredients" but maybe state what those ingredients are and why they are healthy alternatives. There's no citation for that line so it seems more opinion-based to me.

The line regarding "New flavors are continuously hitting the shelfs, as consumers can make flavor suggestions online and the Halo Top team decides what flavors to bring to market." also sounds kind of advertisement-like, and I think "shelfs" -> "shelves", but maybe something like "Consumers can also suggest new flavors online for the Halo Top team to consider bringing to the market" as a suggestion! If you want to talk about unique flavors that Halo Top has, I could also suggest looking at the Ben & Jerry's page and see how they talk about their unique ice cream flavors!

Otherwise I think it's a great expansion so far and you've done a really good job with your facts and citations!

Reinako (talk) 23:04, 1 February 2019 (UTC)

Peer Review
Hi! Great choice for a topic!

Lead Section: I think that the lead paragraph introducing your topic (which is in the original article) could be expanded. Perhaps you could mention its selling point, without sounding like an advertisement, because I think that its low calorie is a prominent/known feature of this particular product. Also you talk about its healthy ingredients in your ingredients section, so I think it should be mentioned in the lead.

Structure: I'd say the way you have the article structured makes perfect sense, as the history comes right after the lead, then the specifics of the ingredients, then more general information of the locations. Great job!

Coverage: I think you have good coverage, I appreciate that there is a nutritionist response included, however if you wanted to expand you could add a section on what the overall feedback has been on the product. There are probably many articles talking about what people think of it, considering its a new but popular brand.

Content: I think your tone is neutral, which is great! You don't seem to pick sides or express any personal opinions.

Sources: Your sources seem very reliable, and your statements are credited with sources, great work! I only saw two statements not sourced, one which is the last sentence of your ingredients section, about consumers being able to make suggestions; and two when you talk about the locations, I think you should put your source at the end of those two sentences, rather than at the end of just the first. I appreciate the additions you've made to the article, the ingredients section is especially interesting! Overall, great work! Mjohn55 (talk) 20:56, 1 February 2019 (UTC)

Feedback on your article draft
Hi, great work on your article so far! You're improving the article a lot! The others left you some really useful feedback already. Compared to them, I am a bit less concerned about neutrality. Neutrality on Wikipedia doesn't have to mean that every statement is neutral, only that positive and negative statements are both included and are in balance. See WP:NOP for more on the neturality policy.

I encourage you to polish your article a bit, with a focus on writing style. I don't see any major problems there, its just something that can always be improved. Finally, I think it would be great to add some more Wikilinks to your article. Wikilinks can be a good way to help other editors discover your article. After you publish your article, you might also consider linking to your article from other relevant articles. You should also add your article to any relevant categories. Groceryheist (talk) 00:50, 6 February 2019 (UTC)