User talk:Jillianb06/Health in Ethiopia

After looking over your contribution to your article, there are just a few things I wanted to touch on. First, I checked both sources you sited and they seem good to me! All I would say is, if possible, find one more article, journal, paper, etc to back up a few more sentences. Saying that, I am not entirely sure of actual length requirements, but I don't think it would hurt to add a few more sentences to clarify the first paragraph. Specifically in the first sentence, I felt that "various factors" was vague. What were those factors? Which were most important? Also in the first paragraph, if you can find the information, what classifies someone/a family as "poor"? Where is the division from the people who are in better conditions and will take steps towards malaria prevention? I thought your second paragraph was quite good and informative, the inclusion of specific data and numbers really helps to boost its value! --Ewizard123 (talk) 21:00, 2 December 2020 (UTC)

I just realized I peer-reviewed the wrong article! My bad! --Ewizard123 (talk) 21:02, 2 December 2020 (UTC)

The link to your article was not in your sandbox, but I assumed it is "Health in Ethiopia." The original article is very detailed in all of the sections but the Malaria section, so I think that your selection was very well thought-out. There was a typo in the first sentence (I would replace analyzing with analyzed). I think it was good that you provided real statistics when discussing the Carter Center's analysis of prevalence of Malaria. You included citations frequently which was well done. It is important that you focused on the results of the research to keep your contribution clear and to the point. Your contribution also came off as very unbiased. I do not think I could have guessed your stance on the issue of malaria in Ethiopia just from reading what you have wrote. I would maybe add some more examples of factors that determine the prevalence of Malaria in the Ethiopian population after the first sentence (after you said various factors, you could add: :, such as....", then transition into the results of the one study regarding socio-economic position). I think that your article adds important insight about seemingly "indirect" causes of malaria that may not be as direct as mosquitos. This adds a social issues element (which the section was missing) to the issue of health in Ethiopia which should not be looked over. Well done! Sarahs02 (talk) 01:19, 3 December 2020 (UTC)