User talk:JinelleC09/sandbox2

Ok - tomorrow after class for about an hour and then Wednesday at 11:30 thanks! This is the email I sent to my friend:

Hello Patrick.

Thank you in advance for your assistance. I’m not certain what Colleen has explained to you so I’ll provide you with a bit of background.

I am taking a course at UBC in Human Ecology. As part of my course work, I am required to prepare a Wikipedia page that is related to Human Ecology in Vancouver. I have chosen Urban Beekeeping in Vancouver specifically.

What my partner and I intend to do is provide a link from the current Urban Beekeeping page thru to one specifically about Vancouver. We are currently in the planning and resourcing stage with our first draft due on March 11.

I am looking to you for assistance in understanding the local landscape specifically: 1/ reputable published sources - specific to Vancouver - any great articles you have read or people we should talk to? 2/ any controversies that may exist in the city that you are aware of 3/ any urban beekeeping stories unique to Vancouver 4/ anything you might have to say about Hives for Humanity, 5/ Beehives on the roof of Vancouver City Hall, 6/ any other beekeeping organizations in Vancouver that support the beekeeping community (or are against it)

Because the main page we are linking to describes Urban Beekeeping, our job is entirely to expand upon what Vancouver is doing. We will also be linking to the city guidelines for Vancouver beekeeping and hopefully providing stats on how many hives are in Vancouver.

Paulajgill (talk) 20:52, 3 March 2014 (UTC)

Revisions to sandbox look good. I have made some changes to the main page that I will bring today. I've noticed some citation work we need to do too. See you at 2:30 Paulajgill (talk) 20:54, 6 March 2014 (UTC)

Something else to think about is contacting the original writer if the Urban Beekeeping page now that we are altering it so much.Paulajgill (talk) 20:55, 6 March 2014 (UTC)

Peer Review
I personally would split it up more and expand on a lot of aspects. Personally if I were to come across this page, I would probably go to look for other resources. It’s just very disorganized and hard to read for the introduction. Organization gets better with the cities sections. -Courtney 20:28, 18 March 2014 (UTC) — Preceding unsigned comment added by Korolukc (talk • contribs)
 * Expand the introduction, I don’t really get why people are beekeeping. You have the history of when and where down packed, you don’t really have the why.  Are people just looking to produce honey?  You mentioned allergy control, and minimal processing but unpasteurized honey can cause significant health problems.
 * Start with Vancouver after the introduction, that’s what our projects are supposed to be focusing on.
 * Expand on the various organizations in Vancouver, you named them but you’re not really talking about what they’re doing. It’s very brief.  Possibly provide maps for where they are located.
 * Explain what the outlined municipal guidelines are, rather than just providing a pdf, anyone could google for the pdf, when a person Wikipedia searches they want as much information right in front of them as they can, with a link they can go to in order to get the official document.
 * Again, just split up the paragraphs, it makes it a lot more appealing to read than one giant block of text.
 * Pictures! Again, will break up the text and make the page more appealing to read.
 * Add your educational assignment banner.

Feedback from Justin
After reading your page, I feel you are heading in the right direction but some work needs to be done to make this a more substantial page. My job here is to help improve your current draft, so I’ll provide as much feedback as possible to help you out.

In your introduction, I would talk more about what urban beekeeping is. You should discuss the importance of urban beekeeping and what the benefits are or even create another section to explain it. I’m not entirely sure I understand what urban beekeeping is or how important it is by reading your page at first glance or enough of why it is practiced. If honey is the main product from beekeeping, it is really important to talk about why it is relevant and why cities feel it’s so important to host urban beekeeping sites. I don’t get this sense by reading your page at its current state. Where is traditional beekeeping usually done? Why are they doing it in cities now? What are the benefits of urban beekeeping over traditional means? These questions need to be answered in order to establish the importance of urban beekeeping.

Any related jargon (ie. apiaries) should be described by you or linked to another Wikipedia entry on the subject. You need to treat this as you being the expert and teaching someone with absolutely no prior knowledge on your subject. Explain things as detailed as you can to make it easier for the reader to understand your subject.

I feel the focus isn’t enough on the Vancouver aspect of Urban Beekeeping. Since the main objective of this page is to talk about Vancouver-based ecology, you need to expand on the Vancouver section. If you are going to keep the London and New York sections, I would list the Vancouver one ahead of them. I personally wouldn’t have bothered with those two sections unless they set precedents for Vancouver beekeeping or add to them. If you can find closer ties to those two cities and Vancouver, then it would be more relevant to your page.

I personally would have put my efforts into the Vancouver section and making that the focal point of your page, considering that’s the goal of the project. The part about Vancouver City Hall having two hives is probably the most intriguing part of your page but you only have one sentence briefly talking about it. Expand on that and talk about why they are doing it because chances are people will get a better understanding of why cities are focusing more efforts on urban beekeeping. Also, expand on what the Vancouver beekeeping organizations do. You could expand each of the organizations so that they are their own subsections. Basically, the more info you have on Vancouver’s involvement in urban beekeeping, the stronger and more substantial your page will be.

I didn't get a chance to view all of your references but #19 is a blog. From what I have found so far in doing this project, blogs or editorials aren't the most reputable sources of information because they are opinion-based. You should consider either finding another reputable source such as a major news report to replace that one or not use the information from that at all.

Adding images would go a long way in making your page more appealing to the audience. A picture of the hives on top of the Vancouver City Hall would be excellent if you could obtain those.

I hope this feedback helped, good luck the rest of the way! JThandi10 (talk) 04:05, 20 March 2014 (UTC)

Peer feedback
Hey I'm Kayla and I think you guys have a good foundation for this page, keep adding more and I think you'll have a really good page in the end! Here is some of my feedback, and I hope it helps :)

Urban beekeeping:

Well written section! I wasn't sure however if this was an introduction section, or if it could be considered a history/background section. If it is your introduction, make sure it is the very first thing on the page, above the content box. As well, if it's your introduction, it does not need the subject header of Urban beekeeping as that will simply be the title of your page. Also there is a slight typo with your allergy link that is just missing a space. Using a summary/info box would be a nice addition to your page, as would images, even if they were just random pictures of bee colonies from wikimedia. Or you could even show a map of all the regions of where urban beekeeping is taking place, just a suggestion. I really liked the inclusion of the famous hives though!

Major urban beekeeping cities:

London: Good neutral section again. Maybe include a link for apiaries as I have no idea what that is. Also, possibly elaborate on the "green areas" you mention as I feel that term is also assumed that the audience should know, but may not actually be known by others. This could possibly be fixed by simply including for clickable links to other pages for more of the simply terminology you use, not just for links to the associations. Or you could even add a small link before a certain section stating something such as, "for more information look at beekeeping" (with a link).

New York: There's a typo in the first sentence, please fix. Once again the section is good and neutral written, and I like the use of the bullet list of the associations, good job!

Vancouver: I feel this should be the very first paragraph, and should be the largest and most expanded on, given the focus of our course. It could even be its own topic with London and New York being labeled as "Other major urban beekeeping cities". Given the type of sources you have, the section once again is well written. However I feel like you're missing more general topics about urban bee keeping, and instead focusing on the government and political aspect of it, which I feel shouldn't be the focus, it should only be a subtopic. Possibly add more about the bees itself, or the products or tools used for urban bee keeping, what aspects make urban be keeping different than normal bee keeping, how does weather play a factor, is there a particular season, are there any commercial uses, etc. There is a lot you guys can expand on, and also including images and tables will make your page more effective. For example you can make a table of the major cities, and their associations. Also maybe visiting an actual urban bee hive in Vancouver could be a good idea!

Overall, the things you have written about are fairly neutral and well cited, so great job on that. All you need now is to find more sources to talk about broader aspects of urban beekeeping, and to make your page look more visual appealing which I'm sure you guys will do. Good job again! --Kaylerz (talk) 21:02, 25 March 2014 (UTC)

feedback from Andy
The following are my suggestions: I think you should go into more detail about what urban beekeeping is because only the first sentence describe what it is and the rest of the page is about it being more popular in recent years and beekeeping in different cities.

I think you should summarize the pdf you cited in the Vancouver and New York Urban Behavior sections will be better than just directly linking the original pdf. In addition, I feel that linking the external websites under each subheading (London, New York, and Vancouver Urban Beekeeping) and then using the same website as a citation not that useful. For example, you are saying: "New York City Beekeepers Association is made up of bee enthusiast who aim to share knowledge, educate, and promote the benefits of urban beekeeping while maintaing [sic] a sustainable attitude. [21]" and then citing the same website. For the source, it would be nice if you can find some citations that cites more papers or journals or city published documents.

in addition, you can use the following code such that your references do not come out in super long urls:
 * Standard.co.uk — Preceding unsigned comment added by Andy2513 (talk • contribs) 07:08, 26 March 2014 (UTC)

Comments from Ruth
This has the makings of a great and interesting page with a few improvements such as:


 * Why are city bees unperturbed by urban pollutants? More explanation needed and references.


 * “ Its popularity has been steadily increasing in part due to its inclusion in the local food movement” What is the local food movement? How has its inclusion caused its increase?


 * “In 2012, an estimated 75% of London apiaries were operated without license”. You haven’t said that they need a licence. You have to introduce the licence then say people haven’t got them.


 * No need to have three bullet points in each of the city sections. The second bullet point for New York is redundant. This information can be simplified and added to the first bullet point.


 * Vancouver section: ”Since its inception, BC urban beekeeping has thrived and has become a popular project amongst both residents and communities” This statement is very vague. Include some numbers. By how much has it increased? How many people have hives? Include reference(s).

Overall:


 * You do need to have some photos


 * You are making some very interesting points (this makes me want to learn more), but need to expand these points including more details and perhaps examples to make the article more rounded and to get it to flow better.


 * You have some vague statements. You need to include numbers and references.


 * You need to include more links to other Wikipedia articles i.e. Vancouver Convention Centre

This article is a great improvement on the old one and will make an important contribution to Wikipedia!

RuthVancouver (talk) 20:15, 27 March 2014 (UTC)

Feedback from Rosie
Since this will be the main Wikipedia page on Urban Beekeeping, you should ignore the peer-reviewers' advice about focusing on Vancouver.

I agree that an initial explanatory paragraph would be helpful, talking about why people keep bees in cities. And a photo or diagram.

A paragraph with more general information about urban concerns would also be helpful - e.g. legal restrictions, neighbour concerns, suitable pollen plants, pollution. Here you would consider the issues that make urban beekeeping different than agricultural beekeeping.

Then the sections about London, New York and Vancouver.

Add a final heading for Other Cities, with a bullet list of various other cities, with one link for each (a quick Google search finds pages about Los Angeles, Portland, Toronto, Sydney). Then other people may later add paragraphs or bullet points about their cities.

Rosieredfield (talk) 00:34, 28 March 2014 (UTC)