User talk:Jjservold/sandbox

Jjservold These are my edits, but overall it was a solid topic.

• For the first sentence of the first paragraph, it should read… o After the creation of the Women’s Freedom League in 1907, it… • Many members were excellent writers o Do not say excellent writers unless you have something to back it up with… remember the Taylor Swift example. o If you want to talk about the excellent writers put due to the fact that …(something)…the newspaper was produced. • In the second paragraph when stating the names of the women… o Switch the names of the women and Women’s Freedom League o Should read On October 28th 1908, three members of the Women’s Freedom League, Murial Matters, Violet Tillard, and Helen Fox, released a banner at the House of Commons. The women also chained themselves… • Avoid using the word many o Replace many with words that are from the facts o Reference the facts from credible sources • Also in place of the word because, try using due to the fact that… • Stay in one tense o Just in the first paragraph alone you alternate between past and present tense Adav531 (talk) 13:17, 27 October 2015 (UTC)