User talk:Jlfriedman4/sandbox

Peer Review - Rwandan Genocide
Where in the article on the Rwandan Genocide would your new sections go? Does government control over speech regarding the genocide count as revisionism, or do you think these sections should be inserted at a different part of the article? I ask because I do not see a clear cut header in the article where your sections fit. You could conceivably just create a new header in the article though.

In your sections "Information Control in the Media" and "Information Control in Education" you do not cite any sources. Meanwhile you make claims in the other sections such as the prison sentences of Umuhoza and Rwigara that you do not cite. Your sources in general seem reliable but I only see three cited in your edits. More are cited in other parts of your sandbox page. Applying them to your edits would likely make your work appear more credible.

Your draft focuses heavily on Rwandan state censorship as an oppressive institution but for the most part leaves out narratives from the Rwandan people. What outlets do they have to challenge censorship? To what extent do they support or reject this policy? In the case of the imprisoned politicians, what specific actions did they do to warrant their arrests under the censorship laws? Your "Information Control in Education" section is pretty good about this.

Looking at the criteria of neutral content, you for the most part do a good job of keeping an objective tone throughout your content. One area where that is shakier is in "Information Control in Education" where you write that "many Rwanda people feel..." I think you could tighten this up by identifying what segment of the Rwandan population feels this way and what outlets they communicated this through.

Overall your draft has excellent information that I think will definitely enhance the overall article on the Rwandan Genocide. You do a good job explaining what the government is doing and how this affects the lives of Rwandan citizens. I think all of my critiques amount to "expand what you're already doing". Pavlostani (talk) 05:16, 15 November 2018 (UTC)

Peer Review -- Lydia
Overall, your additions are helpful and relevant. The tone maintains neutral throughout the article and I liked how you incorporated different examples and anecdotes. However, you need to cite your sources and be more concise in setting up the framework. I think you take less time explaining what’s actually being censored than providing examples and talking about what happens after it is censored. Definitely make sure to cite ALL of your sources and explain more on the information. Here are my suggestions:

General Information Control: -need to properly cite sources -“The new president, Paul Kagame, asserted that any acknowledgment of the separate people was detrimental to the unification of post-Genocide Rwanda.” -Explicitly state the law first, then explain why it doesn’t define terms instead of the other way around Information Control in the Media -First two sentence of the section can be more concise in introducing the topic and why it is important -Should be a little bit more explicit on which contents are banned in the media -Need sources on the Constitution of Rwanda -Need further explanations on the quotes not just simply stating the constitution -Which Christian radio station? Staying women are “evil” under what context? Need to be more clear -BBC example needs citation also elaborate a bit more on the situation -Before jumping into how the gov. responded and etc, you need to first tell the readers what exactly is being censored in the media. -I liked how you included an example of a journalist getting his license taken away to help readers better understand but you need to elaborate more on the example you’re giving so it’s more clear

Information Control in Education -Need to cite sources -What is the only government accepted textbook? Need to provide that information -Need to explain more of the concepts

Information Control in Politics -“There have been specific instances of Kagame using these laws to limiting the free speech of his political opponents” What specific instances? Now would be a good time to transition into your examples -“His 2010 election opponent, Victoire Ingabire Umuhoza, is currently serving a 15-year prison sentence for "conspiracy against the country through terrorism and war" and "genocide denial". citations?? -“One of his 2017 political opponents, Diane Rwigara, is currently on trial and faces the prospect of 22 years in prison for incitement and fraud due to the content of her campaign.” citations?

Feedback
The feedback I received here was extremely helpful in forming my final project, specifically working on clarity and sources. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Jlfriedman4 (talk • contribs) 03:03, 8 December 2018 (UTC)