User talk:Jliber/sandbox

plans for Avon High School Page
There are many changes that I will be making to this Wikipedia page. The first change I will be making is adding more background information. So far, there are only two sentences talking about the school. The source I found to edit this information is a news article from when the current High School opened in 1998.[1] It talks about the size of the school and the location of the high school.

Also, I plan adding to the schools Sports section. One of the sources I found talks about the head football coach Mike Elder and talks abut when he took over the team. I was planing on adding this information on to the wiki page.[2] I was also found a source for the 2011 state championship football game. I was planning on adding more information about that game in the football section of sports.[3] Lastly, I was also planing on adding a section about the school band and some of the success they have had.[7]

Finally, I was going to update the information the size of the student population and the academics of the school. I would mention the ratings the school has achieved based on the state of Ohio report cards. Also, I can mention some of the other statistics reported in my article. No where in this Wikipedia article does it mention anything on the size of the school. So, I was planning on adding a section.[1]

Wiki articles considering working on
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nebraska%E2%80%93Texas_football_rivalry

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hefty

https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia:New_user_landing_page&page=Candi+Castleberry-Singleton

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avon_High_School_(Ohio) (Jliber (talk) 21:27, 4 October 2018 (UTC)).

Good overview on sports history, but in the second paragraph ever sentence is started with some form of they or they're. I'd suggest adding more information other than the sports background of Avon High School.

Also first paragraph it is a bit confusing with talking about the state tournament then state appearances. Instead specify on state championship or which game they lost in.

Organize with History, Academics, then Sports because in this it seems like the only thing that matters at Avon is sports. Eddingfieldjack123 (talk) 16:32, 22 October 2018 (UTC)

The Introduction is lacking info, add more info and pull the audience in Dennisbt (talk) 16:35, 22 October 2018 (UTC)

Improvements for the article
We think that you should add in a section the coaches and assistant coaches. We also think in the first paragraph that you should combine the last two sentences to improve the flow of the article. We also think you should add more sections about things besides sports, add things about the school, academics, clubs, the band, ect. This will give the reader more information about the entire school rather than the sports. Ashkupka (talk) 16:35, 22 October 2018 (UTC)

Specification
In the First part of your article you reference a program at the school but don't specify what program you are referring to. please be more specific in your wording. Abigayle UC Account (talk) 16:36, 22 October 2018 (UTC)

Improvements
Cyanna, Kiley, Aaron, Spoon: "They finished 1st in the OHSAA Boys Division II Region 6 Tiffin Regional. They finished 1st in the OHSAA Boys Division II Northeast District race at Lorain County Community College." these sentences are redundant and could be combined into one. The article seems to be sports-heavy which isn't necessarily bad but the article could be expanded to other aspects of the school. The second and third citation were dead links. try finding the original source not the pdf version and cite that instead Jamesbob2000 (talk) 16:38, 22 October 2018 (UTC)

peer reviewArciss (talk) 16:38, 22 October 2018 (UTC)
I would add more about other sports since you played football it could be seen as in your aren't being neutral. Add more about basketball, baseball, soccer etc. Make the subsections for the sports, school (size), academics etc more noticable and divided into different sections. Add more to the introduction since it is only a sentence long.

Feedback for Jack
Maybe add something like "Avon is a suburb about 30 minutes west of Cleveland, Ohio (And a link to Avon's city page)." Also proofread the article to make sure its 100% correct. Andrew1Chaney (talk) 16:39, 22 October 2018 (UTC)

Changes I made based Feedback
I made the intro paragraph longer which was suggested and I added an section for the band which was another extracurricular activity.