User talk:Jminker/sandbox

Hi, Julia!

You put together a lot of important information that isn't often discussed and I can tell you put a lot of time into this. Great job! Here are my suggestions:


 * "Furthermore, the introduction of European ways of life by colonizers broke down traditional ways of life and lead to increased violence, mental health issues, poverty, suicide, neglect, post-traumatic stress disorder (roughly the same rate as war veterans), drug abuse, alcoholism, homelessness, and disconnection from family and community. Many of these issues are also not being aided in any way because of a lack of money." While I see the connection you are making here between colonialism and life for Native Americans, I don't think that this directly relates to the purpose of the article and I would get rid of this.
 * "{Many of the underlying stereotypes of Native Americans** also** contribute to these high levels of victimizations. **These stereotypes include the over sexualization of Native American women and as being the ideal partner. Historically they have been given the role of the submissive and passive recipient to sexual acts and therefore face more sexual victimization.}" I think this you should develop this into a paragraph on its own, rather than just a fleeting statement, because it is a compelling idea that could be unpacked further. You also might want to try to specifically name the stereotypes that you are thinking about.
 * "*Alcohol abuse and drug abuse also play a huge role in violence against First Nations women. (future without violence) **" I also think this could be a paragraph that stands on its own and could be further developed. I'm sure there is so much information on this topic that you could use here.
 * "*Since rape is a felony in the United States, it falls under the Major Crimes Act, an 1885 act that gives the federal government jurisdiction over felonies committed on reservations." You mention a lot of different historical texts and moments in this paragraph, and I would hyperlink those specific titles to the wiki pages that they correspond to.
 * Overall, I think that what you need to work on is organizing your examples of violence. One way to do this would be to make clear the places in your article when you address the causal factors that lead to violence against women (alcohol, stereotyping, etc) VS the actual kinds of material violence against native american women (rape). Another way to accomplish this, as I already touched upon before, would be to separate ideas into paragraphs; this would also give you the space to fully engage in each idea (like your idea about alcohol). Once you create paragraphs, you will want to create relevant headings to organize the paragraphs further. For example, I think your last two paragraphs could go under a heading titled "Interventions."

Hope this helped! Keep thinking :)

-Claire

HI Julia Gwen.majorwilliams (talk) 20:20, 16 November 2016 (UTC) Gwen