User talk:Jo.jo1996/sandbox

I think that your research looks good, but your work is lacking a lead section that summarizes the article as a whole. Your articl is also missing subheadings which would make your article appear to look more organized. Lastly, I think that your citations should be more incorporated into your article. It seems like you have done a lot of research, but your research has not been cited in the wikipedia article. I am looking forward to seeing the next revision of your article. Daniella Wenger (talk) 23:33, 19 October 2017 (UTC)

Peer Review and Copyedit
Hi Jo.jo1996,

Overall, your article about the Uber Protest looks good. You should remove language such as "greatest" and directly calling their work environment sexist because those statements seem relatively subjective and take away from the objectivity of a encyclopedic platform like Wikipedia. Further, I would also try to make the language more encyclopedic. There are a lot of instances where you try to tell a story and use casual language which you should make more formal.

Recommendations for changes:
 * 1) This wasn't the first time that Uber has implemented this business ploy; Uber has been accused for hiking up prices during natural disasters, such as hurricanes and storms, and during holiday seasons, such as New Year's Eve. (run on sentence)
 * 2) Insert more citations or connect your sources to the sentences that are tied to them
 * 3) Uber's value downed to $70 billion
 * 4) Remove embedded link: https://www.susanjfowler.com/blog/2017/2/19/reflecting-on-one-very-strange-year-at-uber

Kevindphan (talk) 21:15, 20 October 2017 (UTC)Kevin

Peer Review (Sara Park)
I like your topic, and definitely think there's a lot to be researched about the #deleteuber movement. I'm excited to see where you take this article!

A couple general suggestions:

-general organization is needed! Having sections for each new idea would help. (For example, having sections titled Summary, Timeline, Key Actors, Outcome would help readers follow your writing!)

-adding citations for specific incidents that occur, so readers know where to go for more information

-changing vague wording (For example, "people were unhappy with surged prices" is vague and would be greatly fortified by a citation with a specific incident showing how they voiced this opinion)

Some copy edits:

-change verb tense to past tense: first paragraph, "On January 28, 2017, the NY Taxi alliance protest and strike at the JFK airport.”

-change sentence structure so it reads clearly: "Taking advantage of the situation, Uber has been called to be inhumane and unreasonable for charging over $1000 dollars for a one way ride through New York City."

-organize your article so that all the information about one incident can be found in one section, instead of multiple paragraphs. For example, the Taxi Alliance Protest incident was highlighted in multiple paragraphs. If you add this event on a separate timeline section, readers can find all necessary information about that day in one paragraph.

paragraph 1: After Uber announced its lack of participation in the NY Taxi alliance protest, the #DeleteUber hashtag started to circulate on social media.

paragraph 2:  In addition, their refusal to participate in the NY Taxi alliance depicted their apathy for the refugee ban, which infuriated many customers.

Sarapark (talk) 01:08, 21 October 2017 (UTC)Sarapark

Peer Review:

I think that it is great that you are starting a new subject. The topic that you are doing is very interesting and you did a great job at explaining the hashtag and the movement behind it. A couple things that you can fix: 1. Take the link out from the middle of the last paragraph. 2. Edit it to make it sound more like a Wikipedia article 3. Maybe explain what the NY Taxi alliance protest is or provide a sublink if possible for that protest, which would explain it.

Overall great job! Can't wait to see it finished! Calstudent123 (talk) 01:32, 21 October 2017 (UTC)

Peer Review: Reading your edits was enjoyable and it was interesting when you started a new subject. This topic is an interesting one and you did a great job at executing what you wanted to say. A couple of things that you can do next time:

1) Since the event is in the past tense, it should be written in the past tense. 2) Maybe more citations to strengthen your points.

Overall, great job. I enjoyed reading. Thanks. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Samjchae (talk • contribs) 03:41, 21 October 2017 (UTC)