User talk:Joebeeblebrox/sandbox/article edit draft

Joe, The article looks really good. My comments below are in parentheses because I couldn't figure out how otherwise to differentiate. Mainly I just found a few typos. Only once sentence that I thought was a little unclear. And just one suggestion of something you might add. Hab044 (talk) 02:41, 30 November 2018 (UTC)

The term is used with buildings and non-building structures to identify when a wall (or element) is intentionally built with an inward slope.

Siege towers could not be pushed to next to the top of a strongly battered wall. --- This sentence is a little unclear to me…maybe some rewording?

A few small typos: •	In military architecture they made walls harder to undermine or tunnel, and provided some defence (defense) against artillery, especially early siege engine projectiles and cannon, where the energy of the projectile might be largely deflected, on the same principle as modern sloped armour (armor). •	Achitectural (Architectural) styles that often include battered walls as a stylistic feature include Indo-Islamic architecture, where it was used in many tombs and some mosques, as well as many forts in India. •	This style of batter wall architecture was the preffered (preferred) style of construction for much of Inner Asia, and has been used from Nepal to Siberia.

You might also want to add that battered columns are a common feature of craftsman style architecture. And that battered columns, in this context, are sometimes referred to as “elephantine.”

Instructor comments
You've made some good additions to this article, particularly the point about the proportionality between thickness and height being related to the load in the wall (i.e., bearing pressure). The older portion of the Monadnock Building would be a good example of this as related to high-rise masonry construction.

On the other hand, this draft is very rough, it has numerous wiki markup formatting errors that will need to be resolved, and deletions from the existing article text copied into the sandbox (particularly the sentence about Hindu temple architecture) are concerning. The sources you've identified should be cited as footnotes or listed under Further reading. Could the text be broken up with section headings, and are there any new sections that could be added (e.g., one about construction methods referencing the batter frame image in the Gallery)?

I'm surprised not to see any mention of battered walls in Egyptian or Egyptian Revival architecture, such as the Austin, Nichols and Company Warehouse cited in the concrete class. Elizabeth Linden Rahway (talk) 14:09, 5 December 2018 (UTC)

Response to comments
Holly,

Thank you for your feedback! I'm glad to report that most of the mistakes you caught were from the original source -- I assume that English wasn't their first language. I had just copied and pasted the original in for reference, that's why you were seeing that first part. I'll definitely be cleaning up their section when all is said and done.

...

Prof. Spivey,

Thank you, too! Yes,I'll admit that I have had some issues with Wiki's formatting, but I think that I'm getting a better grasp of it now. Your input about the contemporary buildings is appreciated and I was considering adding Egyptian pylons in as well.

-Joe

feedback
Hi, you may want to revisit the training on adding citations as none of yours are added correctly. I also saw that you had a premature article move that had to be moved back. Please review this training about editing existing Wikipedia articles. Thanks, Elysia (Wiki Ed) (talk) 00:29, 7 December 2018 (UTC)

more feedback
Hi Joebeeblebrox, sorry to hear that you're getting frustrated with this assignment. One of the issues is that when you copied the article into your sandbox to work on, you just copied the article when you should have copied the source. I copied the source of the article into your sandbox here: User:Joebeeblebrox/sandbox. Just add the changes you've made to the article itself by copy-pasting the new content to the article (but never copy-paste over the entire article). You can see more about this training here. Elysia (Wiki Ed) (talk) 18:48, 10 December 2018 (UTC)