User talk:Joeo030103/sandbox

Hi, the topic that you brought up is very interesting and the reason why you chose it is also good. But it would be great if you add Introductory sentence in the front, so that the reader know the big picture of what your article talking about, and also I saw that you paraphrase sentence from your source, but maybe you can cite it with the link and not the name, so that it would turn out like this [1] and not just (...,20..). I think this will help the reader to go straight to the reference journal or books you are taking. Thank you

Hi, the article is organised into clear sections and separated by sub-headings which is good.

To improve you could take the bullet points that you have written under the sub-heading 'Topic Paragraph' and combine them to form a cohesive topic paragraph. You could then add the section on why you have chosen this topic onto the end of your topic paragraph section to form one big section.

The main body of your article is also fairly limited in detail as the points you have made aren't completely expanded upon. To improve you could look at more sources online in order to help you find more information which should then be added to your existing points. This will allow you to have a much more thorough coverage of your topic.

--TS1602 (talk) 13:58, 29 November 2021 (UTC)