User talk:Johnston252/sandbox

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asian_Surfing_Championships_(ASC)

This article that i have found is about the Asian Surfing Championships. I have reviewed it and found that is needs some revisions involving grammar and spelling, along with adding links to other articles to add more length and details about surfing in Asia.

Michael JohnstonJohnston252 (talk) 04:20, 6 February 2015 (UTC)
 * Approved! Josef Horáček (talk) 21:32, 7 February 2015 (UTC)
 * Your edits are good for the most part, but you should go and fix the third sentence in the lead. It should read "The goal of the Asian Surfing Championships is to grow..." Josef Horáček (talk) 14:50, 17 February 2015 (UTC)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pearl_Harbor — Preceding unsigned comment added by Johnston252 (talk • contribs) 02:54, 9 February 2015 (UTC)
 * Approved. Josef Horáček (talk) 03:45, 10 February 2015 (UTC)

4 Sources

1. https://lsu.louislibraries.org/uhtbin/cgisirsi/?ps=ddP7yIPxzG/MIDL-MAIN/91710097/9 2. https://lsu.louislibraries.org/uhtbin/cgisirsi/?ps=a91zUTfR5q/MIDL-MAIN/91710097/9 3. https://lsu.louislibraries.org/uhtbin/cgisirsi/?ps=IzuceaAomX/MIDL-MAIN/91710097/9 4. https://lsu.louislibraries.org/uhtbin/cgisirsi/?ps=fanLHRzuf1/MIDL-MAIN/91710097/9 — Preceding unsigned comment added by Johnston252 (talk • contribs) 15:36, 12 February 2015 (UTC)
 * Unfortunately, these links don't work for me, so I cannot verify your sources. Josef Horáček (talk) 23:44, 16 February 2015 (UTC)
 * Not a bad job, but one of your sources is an encyclopedia. It's against WP policy to use other encyclopedias as sources. Also, where you write "reasons why Pearl Harbor happened," you should add "the attack on Pearl Harbor." Josef Horáček (talk) 05:25, 1 March 2015 (UTC)

article in need of a new lead

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cam_Cameron — Preceding unsigned comment added by Johnston252 (talk • contribs) 21:49, 19 February 2015 (UTC)

4 new sources

1. citation- "Pearl Harbor." Funk & Wagnalls New World Encyclopedia (2014): 1p. 1. Funk & Wagnalls New World Encyclopedia. Web. 19 Feb. 2015. link- "Pearl Harbor." Funk & Wagnalls New World Encyclopedia (2014): 1p. 1. Funk & Wagnalls New World Encyclopedia. Web. 19 Feb. 2015. 2. citation- Burtness, Paul S., and Warren U. Ober. "Communication Lapses Leading To The Pearl Harbor Disaster." Historian 75.4 (2013): 740-759. Academic Search Complete. Web. 19 Feb. 2015.   link-  http://eds.a.ebscohost.com.libezp.lib.lsu.edu/eds/detail/detail?sid=a2ec18b0-cb7e-4569-a219- b2805d903591%40sessionmgr4005&vid=21&hid=4211&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRzLWxpdmUmc2NvcGU9c2l0ZQ%3d%3d#db=a9h&AN=92561424 3. Citation- Smith, Dale O. "Pearl Harbor: A Lesson In Air Power." Air Power History 44.1 (1997): 46-53. America: History and Life with Full Text. Web. 19 Feb. 2015. Link-http://eds.a.ebscohost.com.libezp.lib.lsu.edu/eds/detail/detail?vid=29&sid=a2ec18b0-cb7e-4569-a219- b2805d903591%40sessionmgr4005&hid=4211&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRzLWxpdmUmc2NvcGU9c2l0ZQ%3d%3d#db=31h&AN=46002120 4. Citation- "Remember Pearl Harbor." Christian Science Monitor 05 Jan. 1996: 20. History Reference Center. Web. 19 Feb. 2015. Link-http://eds.a.ebscohost.com.libezp.lib.lsu.edu/eds/detail/detail?vid=31&sid=a2ec18b0-cb7e-4569-a219- b2805d903591%40sessionmgr4005&hid=4211&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRzLWxpdmUmc2NvcGU9c2l0ZQ%3d%3d#db=khh&AN=9607071373 — Preceding unsigned comment added by Johnston252 (talk • contribs) 00:51, 20 February 2015 (UTC)

Cam Cameron lead

Overall the lead has a lot of quality information in it and has several facts. The information included is all weighted the same, and in the correct order. I believe that I can help improve this lead by giving a more brief introduction, rather then giving to many facts and statistics in the opening paragraphs.

Lead Rough Draft

Malcolm "Cam" Cameron (born February 6, 1961) is an American football coach. He is currently the offensive coordinator and quarterbacks coach of the LSU Tigers football program. He was previously the head coach and offensive coordinator of multiple football teams in the NFL and in college. With his teams securing a better than .600 winning percentage with him as offensive coordinator, he is one of the winningest offensive coordinators in NFL history. His record as a head coach, on the other hand, is 1-15.

In his nearly 10 full seasons as an NFL offensive coordinator, Cam Cameron was part of over 100 victories, averaging 10 wins per season. He helped the San Diego Chargers compile a 47-33 regular season record as the offensive coordinator for the Chargers, while the Ravens notched a 53-24 regular season mark during Cameron’s tenure in Baltimore.

Under Cameron’s direction in San Diego, Philip Rivers earned a Pro Bowl selection in his first season as a starter and Drew Brees earned a Pro Bowl berth in only his third year as a starting quarterback. In that third season, Brees recorded the third highest QB rating of his career and recorded a career-low seven interceptions. Cam Cameron has helped running backs such as LaDainian Tomlinson and Ray Rice preform at the top of their games while under the brightest spotlight in all of football. Though perhaps his most impressive feat as an offensive coordinator was when he was with the Miami Dolphins. He helped running back Ronnie Brown lead the entire NFL in total yards from scrimmage over the first seven games of the season before a season ending knee injury. Cam Cameron has lead the NFL in total points once, but has only finished in the bottom half of the NFL two times, with one of those being his first season in the NFL.

After only his fourth season, Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco became the Ravens’ all-time leading passer in yards (13,816), TD passes (80), and completions (1,190) and was second in completion percentage (60.8). Flacco’s 44 regular season wins in his first four seasons were the most ever by a starting quarterback in his first four years in the NFL. Flacco is the only starting quarterback in NFL history (since the 1970 merger) to reach the playoffs in each of his first five seasons. Cam Cameron has always been know to put up points when the most important games were on the line. In 2011, the Ravens played eleven regular season games against teams that finished among the top 10 defenses in the NFL in points allowed. The Ravens averaged 23 points per game in those 11 games. The 2006 Chargers offense directed by Cameron is one of only 28 teams in NFL history to average 30-or-more points per contest. It is the 21st highest-scoring offense in NFL history, and 14th-highest over the last 25 years. In his last 126 games as an NFL offensive coordinator, the teams Cameron was a part of in San Diego and Baltimore lost a total of only eight games by more than seven points.
 * You're not really writing a new lead but rather revising and organizing the article, but go ahead. The lead still needs to be a lot shorter. No more than two paragraphs, and even a single paragraph would be enough for an article this size. Also, don't be afraid to revise and proofread the actual writing. It needs help. Josef Horáček (talk) 05:33, 1 March 2015 (UTC)

Lead Revision:

Malcolm "Cam" Cameron is an American football coach. He is currently the offensive coordinator and quarterbacks coach of the LSU Tigers football program. Cam Cameron was born February 6th, 1961 in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. Cam Cameron attended Indiana University in Bloomington, Indiana and played quarterback for the school. Cam Cameron began his career in the NCAA and coached the Michigan Wolverines. After that he switched to the NFL, in which he experimented with being head coach and offensive coordinator for teams such as the Baltimore Ravens and the San Diego Chargers. He has coached probowl players such as LaDainian Tomlinson and Ronnie Brown. Overall Cam Cameron has helped lead teams to Superbowl victories, and helped offensive players achieve many records. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Johnston252 (talk • contribs) 22:14, 2 March 2015 (UTC)

fixed some grammatical errors in the Cam Cameron article — Preceding unsigned comment added by Johnston252 (talk • contribs) 22:24, 2 March 2015 (UTC)


 * I think it's a lot cleaner than what the article had before, but you should keep the first two sentences from the previous lead because those two sentences outline very simply why this man is notable and what his current position is. It's his "definition." Then you can go to your chronological account of his professional life. My second suggestion is to delete the word "astonishing" from the last sentence. Josef Horáček (talk) 02:26, 3 March 2015 (UTC)
 * Good job. Josef Horáček (talk) 12:49, 10 March 2015 (UTC)