User talk:Jounjian/sandbox

Martii70 (talk) 02:06, 12 November 2020 (UTC)
 * I like the lay out of the Wiki page, it is clear and easy to read. You have a lot of good sources and pictures. You connected links to uncertain words and that makes it easier on the reader.
 * The signs and symptoms section is bulleted, if you can elaborate on each symptom.
 * Mechanism/Pathophysiology section is too short. There is more content available.
 * Make the introduction more captivating. It is too short.

--Sweiner02 (talk) 05:28, 14 November 2020 (UTC)
 * You say that it can be hereditary or acquired, but then also say that it is also known as hereditary. Presumably this is a subtype. It's good to talk about this since it's the more common one, but don't treat it like it's the only one.
 * It looks like you've done a lot of awkward word replacement instead of true paraphrasing. This both makes it hard to read and borders on plagiarism. Stop, think about what you are actually saying. Break it down into simple bullet points, then rephrase it in your own words. Sometimes when you have done this, you have changed the meaning in ways that make it inaccurate.
 * You are not talking to a patient or a doctor. You are talking to a general interest audience. Avoid phrasing like "This disease should be suspected in patients"
 * Good use of images that already exist in wikimedia and are relevant to your page.
 * Good linking of terms to other articles.
 * Signs and symptoms cuts off in the middle of a sentence.
 * You don't talk about genetics in the causes section, despite saying this is a major cause in the intro.
 * Mechanism doesn't address any of the other causes. Also could use a lot more info on the genes and how they cause it.
 * Prognosis: Do we know anything more about timeline for recovery?
 * You should still discuss the recent research. Clinical trials are important if they're happening, but I easily found several articles in the past five years. Discuss those.

--Sconnelly12 (talk) 20:28, 14 November 2020 (UTC)
 * I like that you included multiple links that help elaborate symptoms or other words one may not know the meaning of.
 * There are some grammar errors throughout the page such as a lack of a coma and sentence fragments. This are easy fixes and just help the flow of reading.
 * In the signs and symptoms section, the last sentence you have about other diseases that can mimic Megaduodenum is a little confusing. I think if you just reworded it, it would help understand what you mean.
 * In the causes section, I think it would help having the main causes in a bulleted or numbered list.
 * I really like the video you have included in the diagnosis section.
 * I think it would be a good addition to briefly summarize the case studies you have found.
 * Overall, you included a lot of great information and the layout is easy to follow. You also did a great job at citing your information.