User talk:Jozacha/sandbox

Lisa's Peer Review
Hi Ishi! Great work so far! I like how you have really tied your topic to Speech Pathology and how you have added descriptions to each of the techniques.

I think the introduction to this section needs to be reworked a little bit. Describing puberphonia as being "best treated" by voice therapy could be seen as a bit biased. Rewording this sentence could be helpful. Also, I am not sure that the fact that this is not a very common problem is relevant to this section and could probably be taken out.

Additionally, saying "It includes" implies that all of these techniques are always used. It might be better to say something like "Techniques used include:".

In the description of 'Cough', I think the description could be reworked from "This results in the physiological mechanism that reduces pitch to (shortening of the vocal folds)" to something like, "This results in the shortening of the vocal folds which is the physiological mechanism that reduces pitch." This would eliminate your need to use brackets.

In "Speech range masking", I think it is a little unclear why speaking louder would be helpful for a pitch disorder, it might just need a little clarification!

Otherwise, I would just continue to clarify the relevance of each technique and maybe add some citations! Great work so far :) Lisakuil (talk) 01:52, 24 October 2017 (UTC)

Chelsea's peer review
Hi Ishi,

Really nice work. Your section is comprehensive and looks like it required a lot of research. Well done! I like that you’ve outlined many different techniques in this section.

To help readers, I think it would be nice to include a hyperlink to the Wikipedia page for "glottal attack”.

Under “Relaxation techniques”, a couple of spelling/grammar mistakes were noted (e.g. “down” instead of “done”, period instead of comma in the last sentence).

The description of Visi pitch says that it will allow patients to speak with “optimum parameters” of their voice which does not sound entirely neutral. I think emphasizing the fact that it is a biofeedback tool is sufficient here.

Overall, I like how you have separated your section into subheadings. For easier reading, perhaps you could bold each subheading and shorten some of the longer ones (e.g. simply “Laryngeal relaxation techniques”, instead of “Relaxation techniques to relax the laryngeal musculature”)

Again, nicely done & happy editing :) Chelsea.osei (talk) 01:06, 26 October 2017 (UTC)

Peer review - Alex
Hey Ishi! I think you did a wonderful job summarizing all techniques! It is all relevant and neutral, and it seems as thought you incorporated all techniques. I like how you used bullet points. It makes it much easier to read and shows that you really organized your thoughts well. Your ideas are well presented and I think they would be understood by anyone without an SLP background. I also liked how for most techniques, you explained how they specifically helped change the pitch. If the information is available, I think it would be great if you could add some info to Speech range masking and glottal attacks, since the links between the techniques and pitch lowering are less clear to me. Watch out for your typo (down instead of done) in relaxation techniques, and don't forget your hyperlinks! Overall, great job! I feel like I learned a lot from less than 300 words. Alex BM (talk) 00:55, 29 October 2017 (UTC)

Feedback from Nicole
Hi Ishi

Good start as first time wikipedia editor. The information of voice therapy is good. However, there're some writings that you'd like to work on. For some techniques, you put it as "the patient is asked XYZ"...and so did not. I may advise to use the word of "patient" in this section and reword the sentence in a more neutral tone.

Nicole — Preceding unsigned comment added by SCSD639 (talk • contribs) 22:40, 29 November 2017 (UTC)