User talk:Jparen3/sandbox

The information in italics is what I contributed to the pre-existing article. I also added the last three images. Jparen3 (talk) 08:57, 6 March 2014 (UTC)Jennifer Parent

Reviews
From Rhiannon Ballard:

I enjoyed reading this article! I thought the parts you added, for the most part were very well-written! I just have a few suggestions. In the summary, I think it would add clarity if you changed "to Europe" to "in Europe". Also, for section headings, you only have to capitalize the first word, so instead of "Introduction and Distribution", it would be "Introduction and distribution". I would also suggest adding just a bit more information. Other than that, there's not very much that I found wrong with this article! Good job! Rhiannon ballard (talk) 19:14, 15 March 2014 (UTC)

From Brittani Johnston:

There's a grammatical error in the introduction and distribution section. Deliberating should be deliberately. The flow of the Habitat section is a little jarring when it hops from your addition to the original text. Find a way to maybe transition between those ideas more smoothly. Other than further grammatical errors in some original content, the additions seem to be well written and concise. Excellent work. Bantol13795 (talk) 03:03, 17 March 2014 (UTC)

Review from Dr. Becky
Your peers have made good suggestions for improvement. Be sure that you apply these comments throughout your contribution. You have significantly developed this article and the images are good additions. The writing is concise, but there are organization issues in several sections that take away from clarity. Carefully evaluate topic sentences, sentence structure, and transitions to improve overall readability. Provide specific details that are supported by appropriate citations. Finally, the connection to ecology and how the chipmunk could be seen as a disturbance is not clear- continue to flesh these ideas out. You are heading in a good direction with your contribution and I think you have an opportunity to have a great article! B.J.Carmichael (talk) 02:27, 20 March 2014 (UTC)

final live version comments
I looked at my topic sentences, and restated or clarified them to make them true topic statements that described the overall message of the paragraph.

I included another scholarly journal to make 3 peer reviewed journals appear as citations on my page.

I fixed awkward phrasing and attempted to make my transitions in and between paragraphs smoother.

I fixed the run-on sentence under the Habitat section, and I changed the headings to be grammatically correct as well.

I also added more information and expanded on topics, such as the consequences and dangers of Lyme disease and why South Korea began to import Siberian chipmunks to Europe.

Jparen3 (talk) 19:10, 1 April 2014 (UTC)Jennifer Parent