User talk:Jpolster/sandbox

What does the article (or section) do well? Lead section and content was clear and easily identifiable. — Preceding unsigned comment added by ATran34614 (talk • contribs) 01:35, 27 March 2017 (UTC) It was very informative and I didn’t feel any traces of personal opinion!

What changes would you suggest overall? “In 1996 Jay Harman joined Cisco Brewers. A student at Fairfield University in Connecticut, Harman wanted to open a brewery on Nantucket Island until he learned of the existing Cisco Brewers. Harman was brought on to assist in production.” – The wording starts to get confusing once I read the word “until”… I know you meant that he wanted to open his own but then found out about cisco, so didn’t bother, but the current wording is a bit awkward.

What is the most important thing that the author could do to improve his/her contribution? The sections labeled 1.2.1, 1.3, 2 need to be cited our else it’ll most likely be un-done and that’s no fun :[

ATran34614 (talk) 01:29, 27 March 2017 (UTC)