User talk:Jregister152/sandbox

Lead
The writing of the bio is really intellectual and unbiased. Perfect for Wikipedia! The problem I see with it is that it doesn’t give an overview of why Platon is important. It tells about his education background and how he began his career. What is he known for? What is the most notable thing that he did? I think if you answered these questions at the start of the article that would be really effective. His already existing wiki page talks about how he is known for photographing important world figures. This should definitely stay in your lead. Does Platon photograph other things besides well known world figures?

You probably only need to put one citation after the first three sentences instead of one after each sentence since it’s the same reference in a row. Same goes for the last 5 sentences.

Structure
The structure of your outline so far seems to make sense. Start writing your outline into paragraphs.

Balance
I’m sure you are not done adding information. But just to point out some things- maybe you could add some more of his notable works to the career section. One celebrity photograph is not enough for that section. Do you need the Celebrity Photographs section and the Notable Photographs section at the bottom? Add more awards and exhibitions and obviously add something to the Publications section. What is Platon doing now? What is he heading towards?

Neutrality
Most of what you have now is unbiased. Only facts and references to back them up so that’s great. With that being said I noticed a few statements that may not be neutral:

Third bullet under Development/Authenticity- “portray truth, find it and bring it out.” This sound like a value claim and may not be neutral.

Second bullet under Career- take out the word “even” because it sounds biased.

Under the people’s Republic section be careful not to get too interpretive with his work. Just say what it is, not what it does. (“gives voices to those who don’t have one” – “show nothing but the truth- good or bad”)