User talk:Jrowe925/sandbox

Peer Review by Nicole
-The lead reads well, it gives good upfront information on Halfe.

-If you added in a brief introduction into the lead (overview) in regards to what she focuses on in her work or the themes in her work it might bring the reader in more.

-You could also add in information about how her experience at Blue Quills Residential School has influenced her work, you could then expand on these concepts within the section you have set for poetic style or critical reception.

-You also have a good amount of information about her specific works and her awards.

-Information is neutral and factual.

-Include her Cree name in the overview.

Great job!

Peer Review Obrod665 (talk) 18:04, 22 March 2019 (UTC)obrod665

 * When you guys refer to Blue Quills residential school, I would include a hyper link to a page about Blue Quills such as: https://www.facinghistory.org/stolen-lives-indigenous-peoples-canada-and-indian-residential-schools/chapter-8/blue-quills
 * In the biography box I would include Halfe's picture


 * "when she was just seven years old" the word just in this sentence is redundant.
 * "Louise was forced to attend Blue Quills Residential School" stay consistent and refer to her by her last name, Halfe, not her first name.
 * "Leaving home unfortunately meant that she would have to break ties with her family" the word unfortunately in this sentence does not maintain a neutral tone. I would recommend something along the lines of: "She broke ties with her family when she left home at 16 years old."
 * "She wrote about her memories and experiences of her life." this sentence sounds a little bit awkward. I would recommend: "She wrote about her memories and life experiences."


 * I would include a hyper link when you introduce the Nechi Institute: https://nechi.com/


 * "now grown" this addition when referring to Halfe's children is either A) unnecessary, or B) unsupported. Where did you find this information?
 * When telling of her 3rd place award in the :"League of Canadian Poets' historical Poetry Contest, I would include a hyperlink tot he League of Canadian Poets' page http://poets.ca/2017/05/05/meet-the-shortlist-louise-bernice-halfe/


 * "This book also won the League of Canadian Poets Raymond Souster Award and the High Plains Book Award for Indigenous Writer." I would edit out starting the sentence with 'This' and specifically mention that the book is Burning in This Midnight Dream. Even though it's redundant, it's more concise.
 * "It was also the 2017 WILLA Literacy Award Finalist in Poetry." Same thing in this sentence, swap the word 'it' with the name of the book.


 * "In 2016, she received the Hnatyshyn Foundation REVEAL award," same gyst as before, edit out the pronoun 'she' and write Halfe for clarity.

Great job, ladies! This all looks awesome :)

Obrod665 (talk) 18:04, 22 March 2019 (UTC)obrod665

Peer Review18:07, 22 March 2019 (UTC)B4Melly

 * "Her works are based on her experiences and the experiences of her community" - Repetitive use of 'Her'


 * (need date) - Find date


 * Bear Bones & Feathers (1994), Blue Marrow (1998/2005), The Crooked Good (2007) and Burning in this Midnight Dream (2016) - Hyperlink These books


 * Add picture of author


 * Louise Halfe, was born on April 8, 1953 [and also identifies] by her Cree name [,] Sky Dancer.


 * She was born in Two Hills, Alberta, and [was] raised on the Saddle Lake Reserve.


 * Leaving home unfortunately meant that she would have to break ties with her family - Delete unfortunately


 * While Louise was attending high school - Cannot use author's first name


 * attending high school, it - dangling participle. It cannot follow the name of author and school, because 'it' can refer to the author or school A possible fix would be. While Halfe attended high school, she developed an interest in writing by journaling about her memories and experiences.


 * She wrote about her memories and experiences of her life. this sentence appears to be a dependent clause, the subject 'her' is not clear and 'her' appears twice in the sentence. Please reduce the amount of times you write 'her'


 * Nechi Institute hyperlink


 * During a six-year enrollment at The University of Saskatchewan, Louise Halfe was living off campus in Northern Saskatchewan.[5] - Awkward sentence --> Possible fix During her six years at [t]he University of Saskatchewan, [xxxx] Halfe lived off campus in Northern Saskatchewan.  Did she live on a reserve?


 * it was published in 1994 - dependent clause


 * In 2005, she became Saskatchewan’s Poet Laureate. She is the second person ever to hold that title. In 2012, she received an honorary Doctorate of Letters from Wilfred Laurier University. She is currently the acting Elder at the University of Saskatchewan. - this para has a case of the shes Possible fix: In 2005, Halfe became Saskatchewan's second Poet Laureate. Then, in 2012, Halfe received an honorary Doctorate of Letters from Wilfred Laurier University and is currently the acting Elder....

Good luck! The page looks great! I can't wait to see the final product. B4Melly (talk) 18:07, 22 March 2019 (UTC)B4Melly