User talk:Jsong009/sandbox

improvements for the radical mastectomy: -more indepth details about the procedures needed - add to history of the procedure - add to it change over time// better alternatives that have arisen to deal with breast cancer

Good start! I really liked how comprehensive you were in describing the procedure. Suggestions include possibly hyperlinking or linking certain key ideas/people/concepts to other Wikipedia articles, like "Halsted" and "Hippocrates." Perhaps, more information or statistics about success rates before and after and information about how frequently this procedure is used today could be useful additions. Keep up the good work! Bkim11 (talk) 04:34, 17 March 2017 (UTC)

Peer Review 2
There is a good amount of sources, but these sources don't seem to be cited properly. There is only one properly cited source [1]. Other sources are vaguely [2, 3] or [4-10] without proper indication of where those sources came from. Additionally, the Pre-Halstead Treatments don't appear to have any citations either. Another suggestion is to start adding links. For example, the name Halstead or Petit could be linked to the actual Wikipedia article for Halstead or Petit. Another suggestion is to add pictures/images. There could be an image of Halstead or his radial mastectomy procedure. There are also a lot of medical terminology. Maybe it will be nice to define them below or link them so people understand what these medical terms mean? Writing is smooth and easy to understand and follow. Csong22 (talk) 16:33, 7 April 2017 (UTC)

Response to the Radical Mastectomy Procedure
I think you guys did a great job of comprehensively detailing various aspects of this procedure and this really highlights your familiarity with the radical mastectomy procedure. However, I feel like you guys reference specific facets of medical terminology to help describe your procedure. Although this makes it evident that you guys have a heightened knowledge of this subject matter, this also makes it tough for most people to understand some processes that are part of this procedure. For example, many people may not be aware of what actually is involved with the hematic spread of tumor cells and/or what granulation or lymphedema consist of. If background information could be used to provide a basic understanding of what this particular medical concepts involve, then the readers are better able to understand the radical mastectomy. You guys did a good job of drawing from multiple sources when crafting your article however, one minor thing I would suggest is possibly using a greater variety of sources as opposed to drawing the majority of your sources from federal and national databases like the NCBI/Cancer.org. Your sources are certainly credible, reputable and well-established but incorporating other sources like previous patient cases, historical articles, etc. would help provide the reader with a greater variety in perspective which enables them to craft a more well-rounded understanding of the Radical Mastectomy and its impact on breast cancer treatment. Lastly, in regards to the impact of the Radical Mastectomy, I really liked how you provided an overview of the procedures that preceded this revolutionary development but that also left me hoping that you would provide a brief overview of the procedures after the Radical Mastectomy was developed. I believe that detailing how the approach to breast cancer treatment changed following the implementation of the Radical Mastectomy would really go a long way in illustrating its longstanding impact and influence in regards to breast cancer treatment. Thanks! ≈ Aditya P. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Aditya P (talk • contribs) 16:54, 9 April 2017 (UTC)